Destinations
by alliterativemonkey
Summary: Sequel to Journeys. Now that Casey and Alex are engaged, what will happen? Will they be able to survive the demons they both face? C/A with a bit of E/O.
1. Chapter 1

**First and foremost, Dick owns them. I am making nothing off of them.**

**This is the sequel to Journeys. Read that one first. This one won't make much sense if you don't.**

**Well folks, here it is. I've formulated the idea well enough to start this. It's mostly finished in my head. I just need to get some details straight and actually write out the chapters. I've got a couple pretty much written.**

**So, without further ado...**

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><p>Closing arguments. Alex sat down in the back of the courtroom, eager to watch her girlfriend-no, her fiancé- put Rebecca Jameson away for many, many years. <em>Oh, God, she's wearing that suit<em>, Alex thought as she looked at Casey standing by her table. The light green turtleneck, the black pinstripe jacket, the skirt that was just barely long enough to be appropriate for the courtroom. Alex loved it. Casey looked so amazing in her suits. Alex didn't ever want to look away.

"You're drooling, you know."

Alex looked up to see Olivia sit down next to her. "Excuse me?"

Olivia cocked her head towards Casey's direction. "You were staring. And you've got a little bit of drool, right here," Olivia said, bringing her finger up to the corner of her mouth with a smile.

Alex instinctively brought her hand to her mouth and frowned. "You're horrible."

"I know. But you love me anyways." She looked up and smiled. Casey looked ready. More than ready. She looked like she knew she had this one in the bag. "She likes it when you're here," she said softly.

"She does? How do you know?"

Olivia shrugged. "Because, even though I never thought it would be possible, her confidence level increases when you're in here. Have you missed any of her court appearances since you proposed?"

Alex pretended to think about the question. "Well, let's see. I proposed just over four months ago and...nope. Every time she's been in here, so have I. Well, actually there was that one closed trial with the protected witness. So all but one." She looked up and saw Trevor Langan begin his closing arguments. "Oh, shut up you slimy little man," she whispered. Both she and Olivia had to suppress a laugh.

Casey stood up and closed the folder on the table. She had practiced with Alex the last two nights. She was more than ready. "Mr. Langan paints a very nice picture of consenting adults that we'd all like to believe because the alternative is far too horrible to think about. Unfortunately, the alternative is exactly what happened. Yes, these women had sexual relations with Rebecca Jameson at the club. And yes, they even invited her into their homes. They initially consented to the sexual acts. Nobody is disputing these facts. But Rebecca Jameson went far beyond what they consented to. And when they begged her to stop, she became more violent, and used more foreign objects. They told her to stop, and she ignored them. And then she left them chained to their beds. Erin Stanton was chained to her bed for two days before her neighbors heard her screams. Rebecca Jameson did not intend to come back for her victims after she raped them. Find her guilty, ladies and gentlemen. She deserves it." She stared the jury down before returning to her desk and waiting for Petrovsky to dismiss everyone.

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><p>"You were brilliant," Alex said as they sat down outside the courtroom. She was sure the jury would return a guilty verdict today, so she convinced Casey to wait around for a while. "After your closing arguments, and Langan's pathetic attempt to make it sound like they wanted to be left chained to their beds, there is no way in hell that woman is going to walk."<p>

Casey would never admit it, but she loved when Alex watched her in the courtroom. Having that extra support just a few feet away was a huge confidence booster. She ran her fingers over the diamond ring she was wearing, a small smile creeping onto her face. "Well, practicing with you certainly helped. You gave me some great pointers."

"Glad I could help."

Casey looked around the slowly emptying courthouse. She wasn't as confident as Alex that the jury would return a guilty verdict, especially not any time soon. As ridiculous as Langan's arguments had been, she couldn't be sure he hadn't convinced at least one member of the jury. All of a sudden, she heard someone calling her name. She whipped her head up and locked eyes with the man in front of her. "Yes?"

"Jury's back."

She looked at Alex and then back to the man delivering the information. "It's only been an hour."

He shrugged and walked back into the courtroom, Casey right behind him. "Guess somebody argued their case well."

Casey sat down at her table and scowled when Langan winked at her. _Over confident little prick. I will give you another black eye in an instant. Just give me a reason._

Petrovsky looked over at the jury and spoke. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a decision?"

"We have, your honor."

"How do you find the defendant?"

"We find the defendant, Rebecca Jameson, guilty."

Casey let out a sigh of relief and turned around to speak to the four women standing behind her. They all thanked her for her hard work, and she repeatedly tried to deflect their thanks. She told them that she couldn't have done anything without their testimonies, that they were the reason Rebecca Jameson was going to prison. They had put her there. She wanted to make sure they understood just how much of a role they played in getting that guilty verdict. It would help them heal. She thanked them again for their help, told them to take care of themselves, and smiled as they walked out of the courtroom. Relief washed over her when she realized the case was finally over.

"I love you."

Casey looked around and realized she and Alex were the only people left in the courtroom. She leaned over and gave her a kiss "I love you, too."

"Elliot and Olivia are going to O'Malley's to celebrate. Want to tag along?"

"Did they invite us?"

Alex shrugged. "It's O'Malley's. I don't think they'll care if we just show up. We'll have a few chicken wings, you'll have a couple of celebratory beers, and I'll drive us home. What do you say?"

_I'll drive us home_, Casey thought. _Home_. Through some unspoken agreement, she had all but moved in with Alex shortly after the proposal. A few of her things were still in her apartment, mostly furniture, but they were all heading to Goodwill just as soon as her lease was up. In the almost five months since they'd gotten engaged, she'd only slept in her apartment twice. Alex had finally offered to let her move in with her, or vice versa, if she wanted.

"_The house is paid for," Alex had said. "I can sell it and move into your place if you want. Or you can move in with me. Either place is fine."_

_Casey thought about it for a while. Moving was not an easy task. True, Alex had a fully furnished house, so moving furniture wasn't going to be much of an issue. But she had kitchen items she wanted to hold onto. And knickknacks, books, and several other odds and ends. She knew Alex's house was more than big enough, but other than her roommate in college, she'd never lived with anyone before. She didn't want Alex to think she was trying to take over._

"_You can bring whatever you want," Alex said, knowingly interrupting Casey's inner debate. "That's what happens when two people move in together. They combine things."_

_Casey took a deep breath. "The only reason I'm in the apartment is because it's affordable and in a relatively safe area. It's nice, sure, but I don't really have any emotional attachment to it or anything. Tell me though, Alex. Why'd you pick your house?"_

"_Honest answer?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_The jacuzzi."_

"_That's it?"_

"_That's it."_

_Casey felt a pang of jealousy. How nice it must be to have the luxury of deciding on your house based on the size of its bathtub. And to be able to just buy the house outright, with no loans or anything. She hated that she felt almost angry with Alex. It wasn't her fault she was born into money. And the woman had sounded sincere when she offered to simply sell her house and move into Casey's apartment with her. Casey closed her eyes and tried to rid herself of all her anger and doubts. She was moderately successful. "It is a nice bathtub."_

_Alex smiled. "I will sell the house in a heartbeat if you want to stay in your apartment. I promise it's okay."_

"_No," Casey said firmly. Alex's house was much nicer than her apartment. It was far larger as well, which would be nice when Casey's family visited. And, truth be told, she really did love that damn jacuzzi. "I would love to move in with you."_

Casey was vaguely aware of someone calling her name. She listened for several seconds before Alex's voice puled her back to the present. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she smiled at Alex's confused expression. "Sorry."

"Where'd you just go?"

"Took a trip down memory lane."

"Good memory?"

"Very good."

Alex wrapped an arm around her. "So, O'Malley's?"

"Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Dick owns them. I am making nothing off of them.**

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><p>Elliot sat in the interrogation room, staring at twenty-two-year-old Kevin Epley, the main suspect in three rape homicides. All three women were students at Hudson University and he had at least one class with all of them. Elliot hoped that by sitting here and staring at him, he was making the little punk nervous.<p>

"Is this what you people do all day long? Sit here and stare at us? You really think you look intimidating?"

Elliot shrugged. "Are you intimidated?"

Kevin laughed and sat back in his chair. "Seriously? This is actually kind of fun. It'll make great inspiration for another story." He smiled at Elliot's response. "What? I know you've read my stories. That's why we're here, isn't it?"

"You do have a thing for rape and torture."

"They're just stories."

"You write about tying women up, beating them, and raping them."

"And I'm allowed to. They're stories, Detective."

Elliot stared at him. This was one cold kid. His bedroom was littered with posters of serial killers, his bookshelves full of books on Bundy, Dahmer, and more. He had dozens of notebooks full of rape torture stories. The kid was dirty, and Elliot was sure he was guilty. "Stories that have an unfortunate tendency to come true."

"It's not my fault if someone reads my stories and acts them out."

_Okay, time for a different approach,_ Elliot thought. He sat up and leaned forward on the table."So if you didn't do it, who did?"

"How should I know?"

"Oh, come on. You've clearly studied all the famous serial killers of the past. You have to at least know what kind of person would do something like this."

Kevin smiled eagerly. "He's probably pretty young, under thirty. He took his time with them. You told me he tied them up?"

"I didn't tell you that." Elliot stared at him, and could have sworn he saw a flash of hesitation. It was gone in an instant, but he was sure it was there. "What makes you think that they were tied up?"

"They were found in the woods. Strangled. Raped. Odds are the guy who did it tied them up so they wouldn't be able to fight back. Probably used something handy like a vine or his belt."

On the other side of the glass, Cragen looked at Casey. "That information about them being tied up with the vines wasn't released to the media."

"No it wasn't," Casey said, keeping her focus on the kid in the interrogation room.

"It could just be a coincidence."

Casey looked over at Cragen. "I don't care if he just got off the phone with Miss Cleo. It's enough to book him." She furrowed her eyebrows when Cragen crossed his arms and smirked. "Something funny?"

"No, just suddenly reminded of one of Cabot's reactions when a suspect made an uncanny remark like our Mr. Epley has just done."

"What was her response?"

"Almost exactly what you just said."

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><p>She hated paperwork. She really, <em>really<em>, hated paperwork. Her desk was completely buried under it, and her coffee table in front of her couch was quickly becoming the overflow area.

"If the pervs in this city would just give it a rest," she said to the piece of paper in front of her. "Even for just a day, maybe I'd be able to get ahead of this."

It never seemed to end. All the perversions in the world never went away. She only saw the forms the detectives filled out and occasionally the photographs. How did Olivia and Elliot, Munch and Fin do it day in and day out? They saw the crime scenes. They spoke to the victims immediately after...how did they do it? "Because someone has to," she mumbled, remembering what Olivia told her on her first case.

The ringing of her phone pulled her away from her thoughts. Even though it probably meant more paperwork, she was happy for the opportunity to abandon her current files for the time being. She sighed and picked up the phone. "Novak."

"Casey, it's Elliot. We have our witness, Max Thornton, for the Emily Marger case. He's here to do the lineup and I figured you'd want to come over and see it."

Casey furrowed her eyebrows and flipped through the folders on her desk, trying to remember who Emily Marger was. The fourth folder gave her what she needed. _Oh, right. Ten-year-old kidnap victim. She was found naked in a car two days later, badly beaten and raped. She was also too traumatized to identify her attacker._ Casey sighed. She hoped they had a reliable witness. "I'm on my way."

She walked into the room and rolled her eyes the moment she saw their witness. He was stoned out of his mind. She looked at Elliot and was about to say something, but he held up his hands.

"Just let him do the lineup."

"It won't be admissible, Elliot," she said through clenched teeth. "Any defense attorney they could pull off the street will throw anything this guy does out the window."

"He saw the man who kidnapped Emily."

Before Casey could respond, the door on the other side of the window opened and six men walked into the room. She watched as her witness tapped the glass excitedly.

"That's him! That's him! He's holding a number four!"

Elliot smiled. "See? He just identified our prime suspect."

"Excuse me? Excuse me?"

"Yes Max?"

Max looked back into the room where the men had stood in a line. "Why is there an elephant playing a guitar in there? Shouldn't he be playing a clarinet instead? That would make more sense."

Casey sighed. "Call me when you have something, Elliot."

Elliot spun around. "You just saw him identify our prime suspect."

"And then he saw a guitar playing elephant. He's not a credible witness. His i.d. Will be thrown out in a heartbeat."

Elliot was furious. They had the guy! Why wasn't Casey telling them to arrest him? "Casey, come on. It's your job to get us arrest warrants when we find the perps who commit the crimes. We gave you the guy. Now it's your turn to put him in jail."

"And it's your job to bring me evidence so I can do that. You've brought me no evidence, so we can't touch him. I can't do my job if you don't do yours."

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><p>"I'm done," Casey said, walking into the living room that night. "I can't do this anymore."<p>

"Can't do what?" Alex asked as she helped Casey out of her coat. It was nearly 8:30. The late nights were one thing she didn't miss about being an ADA.

Casey sat down on the couch and rubbed her temples. Everyone was pissed at her for not doing something after Max did the lineup. Why couldn't they understand that she couldn't do anything with what they gave her? She managed a small smile when Alex sat down next to her, two glasses of water in her hands.

"Here," Alex said softly. "What happened, Case?"

"It was just a really long day."

Alex gently rubbed Casey's back, worried about how tense Casey was. "You're a terrible liar. You know that, right?"

Casey laughed. Alex knew her too well. She wanted to hate it, but she couldn't. She loved her too much. "Yeah, I know. Why are you so good at reading me?"

"Because I love you. And as your future wife, it's my job to make sure you're okay." She continued tracing small circles up and down Casey's back for nearly half an hour. Casey wasn't relaxing. "Honey, what can I do?"

Casey shook her head. "I don't know. I think I just want to take a bath."

Alex nodded. They'd taken several baths together since Casey first told her she was ready. She had yet to see Casey's back though, but it didn't bother her. Just the fact that Casey trusted her enough to take that next step meant the world to her. "Okay," she said softly as she stood up and pulled Casey with her. "Come on, I'll get it started."

"Get in with me? Please?" Casey held Alex's hand a little tighter than she usually did. Right now, she just needed that connection. "I really want you to get in there with me and...maybe a back massage?"

"You're this upset and you want to give me a back massage?"

Casey looked away uneasily. "No," she whispered. "I was kind of hoping maybe you would give me one."

Alex's face softened as she started the bath. Was now really the right time to give Casey her first back massage? And in the bathtub, where they'd be naked? Her fiance was clearly feeling very vulnerable right now. She didn't want to do something unless Casey really and truly was ready for it. "Are you sure?"

"I am," Casey said softly. She met Alex's eyes and tried to smile, but couldn't. The day had just been too much. "I...I am. It was just a really long day. Are you, are you sure? I mean, with my back..."

"Of course I am," Alex said firmly. She brushed the hair out of Casey's face and helped her undress. It took a few minutes, but they were finally both naked, facing each other. "You don't have to do this, you know. We can get in and take a bath like we've been doing. I promise I won't love you any less. You don't have to-"

Casey squeezed Alex's hands to get her to stop talking. Her rambles were so loving, but Casey needed her to shut up. "I'm the one with scars on my back, Alex. I'm the one who should be telling you that you don't have to-"

"Casey," Alex said quickly. "I love you. I _want_ to to give you a back massage, as long as it's what you want."

"It is."

"Then let's get in the bathtub. I want to help relieve you of some of this tension."

Casey nodded and watched Alex get into the tub. She was ready. She was safe. This was going to help her relax. She heard Alex calling her name and smiled. "Okay, I'm ready."

Alex climbed into the tub and watched as Casey hesitantly did the same. Case sat down in front of her, facing her. It took her a few minutes, but she finally took a deep breath and turned around. As soon as she saw Casey's back, Alex inhaled sharply, a bit louder than she wanted to. There were six circular scars across Casey's back, between her shoulder blades. What the hell had happened to her?

"You don't have to," Casey said quietly when she heard Alex's sharp intake of breath. She started to turn around but Alex stopped her.

"I love you, Casey. And you're absolutely beautiful. If you still want, I'd really like to give you a back massage." She waited several seconds before Casey nodded. She poured oil onto her hands and rubbed them together. "Here we go, sweetie." Very slowly, she placed her hands on Casey's back, pausing when Casey froze at the contact.

"It's okay, Alex. Keep going."

Alex ran her hands up and down Casey's back as gently as she could at first. She wanted to get Casey used to the touch before she put any pressure into it. Very slowly, Casey pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and rested her chin on her arms. Alex continued with the massage, hoping Casey was at least starting to feel better.

Casey felt herself relaxing under Alex's touch. Her hands running up and down her back felt amazing. Alex had the softest hands. Alex's massage slowly intensified and Casey felt several knots begin to loosen. She could tell that Alex was spending a little extra time on her scars, tracing each one gently, but not focusing on them too much. Just the fact that Alex's hands were on her back was amazing. Knowing she was tracing her scars, without any hesitation, meant more to her than she could say. "He had to teach me a lesson," she whispered after a while.

As soon as the words were out of Casey's mouth, Alex stopped the massage. She rested her hands on Casey's shoulders and leaned forward. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Without even realizing what she was doing, Casey felt herself reaching up and holding Alex's hands. She leaned back into Alex and Alex leaned back against the tub. A single tear fell down her cheek as she pulled Alex's arms around her. "My uncle didn't like it that I fought him that first day in the basement. He had a huge cigar that he used to teach me to let him do whatever he wanted. That lesson worked. I never fought him again."

_My God,_ Alex thought. She traced Casey's knuckles with her thumbs and kissed the top of her head. It wasn't fair. Casey had been through far too much. She held her tight and tried her best to take away her pain. "I love you, Casey," she whispered. "You are the strongest, bravest, kindest, smartest, most beautiful woman I know. I am so honored that you chose me to be with. You have no idea how lucky I am to have you in my life."


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry about the delay in updating. They've been laying people off left and right at work and I've just been trying to keep my head above water. It's working, for now at least...**

**Anyway, on with it. It's a fluffy chapter. Gotta mix in some fluff with the angst, after all.**

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><p>"I'm getting pruney," Casey said, breaking nearly an hour of silence. "And kind of cold."<p>

Alex let go of Casey's hands and they sat up. "Yeah, the water's not very warm anymore." She watched as Casey got out of the tub and smiled as she helped her stand up. "Thank you." Alex stepped out of the tub and pulled two towels out of the towel warmer.

"Thank me?" Casey asked. She took a towel from Alex and wrapped it around herself. Alex had the softest, fluffiest towels. "Why are you thanking me?"

"For helping me stand up." Alex shrugged. "And for trusting me. That really means a lot to me."

Casey took a step towards Alex and smiled. "Come here," she whispered. She wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her close. As soon as their lips met she felt Alex's arms wrap around her. Their tongues met and explored each others' mouths in gentle passion. "God, I love you," Casey told her when they pulled away. She pushed Alex's hair behind her shoulders and squeezed the excess water from it. "I have got to be the luckiest woman in the world right now."

"Second luckiest."

"Second? Who's the first?"

"I am."

Casey laughed. "Is everything always a competition with you?"

"Not always. But this is."

"And you're determined to win?"

Alex turned towards the bedroom and they started walking. "I've already won."

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><p>"So how are things in paradise?" Olivia asked as she and Alex sat down and looked at their menus. They'd agreed to meet for lunch since Elliot and Casey had to be in court all day. "You still engaged to that stubborn redhead?"<p>

"Tell me you guys aren't still mad at her about the Emily Marger case. You guys had no evidence and your 'witness' was hallucinating. What was she supposed to do?"

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at Alex's defensiveness. God help her, it was actually kind of cute. _Now that's something I never thought I'd associate with Alexandra Cabot: cute_. She shook her head. "That was two weeks ago. No, we're not still mad at her."

"Oh. Well, good. Have you guys gotten anywhere with it?"

"No. And no more work talk at the table. Now, tell me. Are things still good between the happy couple?"

Alex put her menu down and looked up, focusing on a spot on the wall just to the left of Olivia's head. "They're amazing. She trusts me. She doesn't talk very often, and it's always just a sentence or two at a time, but...to be trusted with those little bits is just..."

"Damn, Cabot. You've got it bad."

"Got what bad?"

"Love. You are so in love with her."

Alex blushed. "Yeah. I really am."

Their waitress came over and took their orders: Olivia a chicken wrap and Alex an open faced tuna melt. They chatted about the dinner party Olivia and Elliot were trying to plan. Something was always getting in the way and she was determined to get a date set and stick to it.

The food came and they both dug in eagerly. "Can I tell you something that might make you uncomfortable?" Olivia asked, wiping her face with her napkin.

Alex swallowed her food nervously and set her fork down on her plate. "Geez, Olivia. I think you just did."

"Sorry."

"Okay. So out with it."

Olivia sighed. "You've been told repeatedly how lucky she is to have you and how much you do for her. But I have to tell you, Alex, seeing you right now, it's obvious that she's doing good things for you, too."

Alex knew that was true, but she had a feeling Olivia meant something more specific, and what that something was she had no idea. "What do you mean?"

"You're eating."

"It's lunchtime."

"You know what I mean." Olivia licked her lips and tried to figure out how best to put what she was feeling into words. "These last few months, since the two of you really got serious, you've seemed less concerned about food." She held up her arms to eek Alex from interrupting her. "I know it's still an issue for you, but I also know it's a smaller issue than it was before. I don't know, I just...you look so much happier and healthier than I've ever seen you. It's good to see, Alex. It's good to see how much she does for you."

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><p>"Detective Stabler, "Casey said, staring Elliot down in the witness stand. "Could you please tell the jury about the events leading up to the arrest of Mr. Stevens?"<p>

Elliot shifted in his seat. "He was a person of interest in a break-in and rape. When we went to his home to question him, we heard agitated noises from inside."

"Agitated noises?"

"Glasses breaking, raised voices. It sounded like a struggle."

"So you broke into the house?"

"Objection!" Trevor Langan shouted. "Leading."

"I'll rephrase." Casey rolled her eyes and looked back at Elliot. "What did you do when you heard the commotion inside?"

"Detective Tutuola broke the door down, we identified ourselves, and we went inside. Mr. Stevens attempted to go out the fire escape and when I apprehended him, he tried to hit me. We arrested him and searched the rest of the apartment."

Casey walked towards the jury so Elliot would look at them when he answered her next question. "And what did you find during that search?"

Elliot swallowed. He hated talking about these things to the jury. It would be so much easier if Novak would just stay near the witness stand or the prosecution table. Still, he knew the strategy behind her actions. "We found Robyn Malone in the kitchen. Her wrists and ankles were bound with chains. She was naked."

Casey paused for a moment, allowing Elliot's words to sink in. "Thank you, Detective. Nothing further."

* * *

><p>"How'd court go?" Olivia asked when Elliot sat down at his desk in the squadroom.<p>

"As well as can be expected. You know how it is, talking to the jury about the victim."

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Have you talked to Robyn?"

Robyn Malone was Adam Stevens' nineteen-year-old neighbor. By some miracle, despite the fact that Stevens had kept her chained in his kitchen for two days, she hadn't been raped. Tormented, yes, but thankfully not raped. "She's traumatized," Olivia spoke softly. "But she wants him to pay. I think she's ready."

"I hope so. Bastard needs to pay for what he did to her."

"And with your testimony and Fin's testimony, he will."

Elliot stared at the paperwork in front of him. This case was going to put his pen through hell. With every new case came a fresh stack of forms that needed to be filled out. He looked over and noticed that Olivia was just as buried under her own paper work and he couldn't help but chuckle.

"What?"

"Looks like a nice dinner and a relaxing evening on the couch is out of the question for tonight, huh?"

"I've got paperwork on three different cases that need to be finished by the end of the week or I'm in contempt of court."

"Chinese takeout it is."

Olivia smiled. "Chines food over a mountain of paperwork. Now that sounds like a perfect way to spend the evening."

"Well think of it this way. We'll get all caught up on it tonight. Then, tomorrow, we'll leave on time for a change and maybe even cook dinner at home. What do you say?"

"So long as that home cooked meal doesn't include your mother's lasagna, we'll be just fine."

Elliot shook his head. "I set fire to the oven once and you'll never let me live it down."

* * *

><p>Alex knocked on Casey's office door and walked in when she heard Casey mumble from inside. She set the large cup of coffee on the desk and smiled. "How was court?"<p>

"It was court. Managed to get through Elliot's testimony without too many objections from the defense."

"You up against Langan?"

"OF course. Who else would it be?" She took a long sip of her coffee and smiled. "So what brings you over here?"

"What? I had to skip your court date today so I could have lunch with Olivia. Thought Id bring you some coffee to make it up to you." It was gone in an instant, but she was sure she saw something on Casey's face. Whether it was worry, fatigue, or something else, Alex wasn't sure. Just as soon as it was there, it was gone, and it was replaced with a smile Alex was almost convinced was genuine. "You think you'll be working late?"

"Not terribly. Why?"

"Just wondering when I can expect my fiance home."

Casey smiled. "Hopefully by eight. How was your lunch with Olivia?"

"It was nice. A little too quick, but that's life when your best friend's a detective." She sat back in her seat on the couch and fiddled with her glasses. The look in Casey's eyes as she did so made her laugh. "Like what you see, Councilor?"

"Of course. You."

"Me?"

"In those glasses."

"Oh, so you only like me in these glasses?" She took off her glasses, put them in their case, and put the case in her bag. "Still like what you see?"

Casey put her pen down and walked over to the couch. She sat down next to Alex and brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I see you. What's not to like?"

Alex smiled self-consciously. "Olivia was right."

"About what?"

"At lunch today she told me that it's obvious how good you are to me." Alex leaned forward and gave her a gentle kiss. "Of course, I already knew that. But to hear her say I look happier and healthier since we've been together..."

"She said that?"

"She did."

"And she said that it was because of me?"

"That she did."

Casey bit her lip nervously. She knew how lucky she was to have Alex. It didn't make much sense that Alex had chosen her, but she had long ago decided to stop questioning that. Alex had more than proven her love to her. Now, hearing that Olivia had said she was good for Alex, was the reason for Alex being so happy, she felt proud. Proud that she was able to make this woman so happy. "And you think she's right?"

Alex met Casey's eyes and gazed into them for several seconds. "I know she is."


	4. Chapter 4

**I wish I owned them, but I don't. Dick owns 'em.**

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><p>Casey walked inside the house and immediately plopped herself down on the couch. She was exhausted. The smell coming from the kitchen, though what that something was she couldn't quite make out. She shrugged off her coat and kicked off her shoes, leaving them where they landed.<p>

As she walked into the bedroom, she realized something was off. Everything was clean. Furniture had been dusted, the carpets had been vacuumed, and her clothing had been hung up in the closet. The bed was made, her pajamas were no longer on the bed where she had left them, and she couldn't see her slippers next to the bed. "Alex?" she called.

"Yeah?" Alex answered from the bathroom.

"What happened to our bedroom?"

"Be right out!"

Casey sat down on the bed and tried to wait patiently. Court had taken a lot out of her, especially given the similarities between what Robyn had gone through and her own personal experiences. She was exhausted. Coming home to find that Alex had cleaned the entire house was a bit unnerving. She didn't know why she was bothered by it, but it annoyed her. She knew Alex hadn't done it to upset her, but she needed to talk to her before this became a common thing.

"Welcome home," Alex said when she stepped out of the bathroom. "Dinner should be ready in half an hour or so."

"Where are my pajamas?"

"Laundry basket. I was going to do a load tonight."

"And my slippers?"

"Just under the bed. Why?"

"Are you planning on cleaning up after me forever?"

Alex sighed. She had no idea what was going on, but Casey was clearly upset about something. "I had some free time this afternoon and decided to clean the place up a bit."

"A bit? _A bit?_ Alex, the house is spotless."

"So? Is that a bad thing?"

Casey folded her arms across her chest. "Why did you clean up my things? It's not like they were lying all over the house or anything."

"I feel better when I have a clean house. Casey, what is this?"

"I just don't like people cleaning up after me. I'm not a slob. I can clean up after myself."

Alex rolled her eyes. Were they really fighting about this? "I know you can. I just got into a groove cleaning and grabbed your things, too. Like I said, I feel a lot better when I'm in a clean house."

"Alex, the house looks like it's ready for Home and Garden Magazine to come in here and photograph it. It's _too_ clean. How can you live like this?"

"How can you live with your things just tossed on the most convenient surface?" Alex asked. Before Casey could answer her, she held up her hands and stood up. "I'm going to check on dinner. I'm sure it's almost ready."

Casey stayed on her spot on the bed for several minutes after Alex walked out of the room. Had she overreacted? She was pretty sure she probably had, but she couldn't make herself feel bad about it. She was completely drained and knowing that Alex thought she couldn't clean up after herself really bothered her. It would have been okay if Alex had simply tidied up a bit, but the extent to which she'd gone was ridiculous. Casey didn't think she could live in a house where nothing was ever allowed to be out of place. They were going to have to work out some kind of compromise.

Walking out into the living room, Casey realized that compromise was going to have to come sooner rather than later. Her coat was hanging up in the closet, her shoes were on the shoe rack by the door, and her briefcase was on the desk in the corner of the living room. It was too much. She pulled her coat out and put it on.

"Where are you going?" Alex asked, coming out of the kitchen. "Dinner's just about ready."

"I need some air."

"Casey, it's almost nine-"

"Alex, I need some air!" Casey yelled. She walked outside and slammed the door behind her.

Alex jumped at the loud bang as the door slammed shut. What the hell had just happened? Had she taken the cleaning too far? She looked around the house and sighed. Casey was right. The place really did look like it was ready to be showcased in a magazine. She'd always liked to keep things clean, and it had driven many people away. After the last one, she'd vowed to tone it down a notch. "Guess I didn't manage to do that so well."

She sat down on her couch and pushed her hair out of her face. Keeping her place clean was a habit she'd developed when she was very young. By keeping things in her bedroom in order, she was able to control one simple thing in her life. Her parents controlled everything else. The only thing she had control over was how clean her room was. At least, that's what her therapist had told her. And if she really thought about it, she knew her therapist was right. The shrill beeping of the smoke alarm in her kitchen pulled her from her thoughts. She ran into the kitchen and saw smoke coming from her oven. "Shit," she muttered, running over and turning it off. "There goes the casserole." She grabbed her oven mitts and turned off the stove, then opened a window and ran out of the room to escape the beeping smoke alarm.

Her front door opened at the same exact moment the smoke alarm stopped beeping. Alex jumped up and turned around to see a dripping wet Casey walk inside and shudder from the chill.

"It's May. Why is it forty degrees out?"

"Because it's pouring," Alex said, grabbing the fireplace remote and turning it on. She led Casey into the bedroom, quickly pulling off her wet clothes along the way. "Come here," she whispered, sitting Casey down on the bed and handing her a dry pair of pajamas. Once Casey was dressed, Alex led her back out to the living room and they sat down on the couch. Alex rubbed her hands up and down Casey's arms, trying to warm her up. "You were walking around in forty degree weather in a freaking downpour for two hours. Where did you go?"

"Y-your firep-place has a r-remote," Casey said through chattering teeth.

"Yeah. It comes in handy for times like this." She offered Casey a small smile and pulled her close, hoping to use her body heat to warm her. "What were you doing for two hours out there?"

"Thinking."

"Care to share what you were thinking about?"

"Just that I feel bad for how I reacted earlier. It was way over the top. I am so sorry."

Alex smiled. "When I was twenty-one, my therapist told me I had control issues, that I like to keep things really clean. I'm a bit OCD about it."

Casey looked over towards the stairs to the bedroom, where a line of her wet clothing littered the way. She cocked her head towards the trail and looked at Alex. "Well it can't be that bad."

"I had more important things to worry about. You were soaking wet and shivering." She shrugged as she gave Casey a gentle squeeze. She frowned when Casey rested her head on her shoulder. Her girlfriend had definitely overreacted earlier. Something had happened today. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Casey just shrugged and moved a little close to Ale. "I'm fine. It was just a really long day."

_Liar_, Alex thought. She rubbed Casey's back and shoulders for several minutes. "Well, I nearly set fire to my stove. Again. So what do you say we just order Chinese?"

"It's almost eleven. I have to be in court at nine and I'm exhausted."

Alex stood up and pulled Casey with her. "Okay. Bedtime."

"If you want to order Chinese-"

"I'm fine. Don't worry."

They walked into the bedroom and Alex changed her clothes. After brushing their teeth, they climbed into bed. Alex switched off the light and was surprised at how quickly Casey snuggled up against her. Yes, something had definitely happened today. "Goodnight, Casey. I love you."

Casey wrapped her arms around Alex and gave her a tight squeeze. "I love you, too."

Alex combed her fingers through Casey's hair. It was taking her a long time to fall asleep. After several minutes, she gently kissed Casey's forehead and was relieved to find the woman finally out. "Whatever it is that happened today, what ever it is that's got you so worked up, you can tell me. Whenever you're ready, I'm here. I promise."

* * *

><p>Casey heard a knock on her office door and before she could answer, Arthur Branch walked in. "Hello. What can I do for you today?"<p>

"Word has it you just finished with Robyn Malone."

"Yeah," Casey said with a sigh. "She gave her testimony today."

"How did it go?"

"About as well as it could go considering she had to tell the jury about how Stevens chained her up in his kitchen and tortured her." She looked down at her notes and shrugged. "Jury seemed to buy it though. Closing arguments are tomorrow."

Branch nodded. "You ready for them?"

"As ready as I can be."

"Nail this bastard, Casey."

"I will."

As soon as he left, Casey fell forward and rested her head on her desk. Robyn's testimony had brought back a lot of old memories she didn't like to think about. She was dreading tomorrow. Having to remind the jury just what that monster had done to Robyn was going to be hell for everyone in that courtroom. _Well, except for Stevens and Langan. Langan seems to get off on it_. At this point, she just wanted the trial to be over. Once she managed to get through her closing arguments, she had the weekend off. She'd already made that call. Now it was just one more day of hell. She wiped away a few tears and returned to her paperwork. One more day, and then she could spend the weekend with the woman she loved.


	5. Chapter 5

**Dick owns 'em.**

* * *

><p>Alex was sitting next to Olivia in the precinct while Casey was giving her closing arguments in the Robyn Malone case. "I just wish she'd let me be in there with her." She hated being away when Casey was in court. There had to be a reason Casey didn't want her in there. She shook her head and sighed. "Do you know why she doesn't want me in there, Olivia?"<p>

"Yeah, I have a pretty good idea, but I can't-"

"I know. I wasn't asking you to. I was just..."

Olivia walked up behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Alex was obviously trying to keep her emotions under control, so Olivia didn't ask her to turn around. She just wanted to give Alex a bit of support. She knew Alex would never cry in front of her. "She's let you in behind quite a few walls," Olivia whispered after a few minutes. "There are just a _lot_ of walls she's got built up."

Alex felt the tears in her eyes and held her breath until she managed to force them back. She nodded and turned around. "I know. I just hate that she's been through so much. I hate that I can't do more for her."

"Alex, you do so much for her. Don't doubt yourself."

"You want to go to lunch?" Alex asked quickly.

"Only if you promise not to deflect praise when someone gives it to you."

Alex scoffed and grabbed her purse. "I'll be at the deli across the street. Come with me if you want."

"Fine," Olivia muttered. She grabbed her wallet and hurried after Alex, finally catching up to her just outside. "Slow down, Alex. I promise to keep my mouth shut about how much Casey loves you."

Alex opened her mouth to argue, but the determined look in Olivia's eyes made her close it. She didn't know why she was having a hard time accepting compliments form other people. She didn't have that problem before. Even when she was in witness protection, she was able to accept compliments from people calling her by whichever name she happened to be at the time. Being Alex Cabot again wasn't turning out to be as easy as she had expected it to be.

* * *

><p>"Hey, El, can I ask you something?" Olivia asked at dinner that night.<p>

He looked up an frowned when he saw her tracing the rim of her wine glass with her fingers. She wasn't looking at him, or anything else for that matter. "Of course you can. What's up?"

"Have you talked to Cabot lately?"

"She was over here the other night for dinner. We all talked to her."

Olivia shook her head. "No, besides that. Have you gotten her alone recently?"

"No. Liv, what's going on?"

"She seem off to you?"

"Not that I noticed. Why?"

"I had lunch with her today. She just didn't seem like herself. She seemed...sad, almost. I told her how much Casey loved her and she could not change the subject fast enough."

Elliot finished the last of his dinner and put his fork down. "When was the last time you ever saw or heard about Alex shying away from a compliment?"

"Never."

He grabbed her plate and took it to the kitchen. As he started loading the dishwasher, she finished clearing the table. He put the rest of the dishes in and started the dishwasher. After pouring two glasses of wine, he led her out to the living room and they sat down on the couch. "Well, Novak finished the Malone trial today. We saw that this one took its toll on her. Why don't we all have dinner tomorrow night?"

"We should eat in, do another game night. Last time we did that everyone had a great time."

"Another round of Clue?"

"Only if you want Casey to cheat again."

"Charades then?"

Olivia smiled. "As long as we've got plenty of wine."

* * *

><p>Casey walked into the house to a candlelit dinner. Completely surprised by Alex's generosity, she slowly took off her jacket and hung it up in the closet. <em>Compromise,<em> she thought. "Alex, what...what is this?"

Alex leaned against the wall in the kitchen. "Lobster ravioli, asparagus, and a beautiful red wine." She walked over and took Casey's briefcase, setting it down on the end table by the couch. "You just finished up what I know was a very difficult case. I wanted you to come home to something nice tonight."

Casey could barely believe how beautiful the dining room looked. Alex had really gone all out with this. She wrapped her arms around her and buried her face in her neck. After the day she'd had, coming home to this made her feel so much better. "You're amazing," she whispered.

Alex pulled out of the hug and walked over to the table. "Have a seat. I'll serve you tonight. My treat. You just let me do all the work."

"I'm going to have to work hard to top this," Casey said, accepting the chair Alex pulled out for her. She reached over and took Alex's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze when Alex tried to pull away. "Thank you," she said firmly.

"Let me get dinner." Alex walked out to the kitchen and grabbed the sauce and asparagus off the stove. She poured the sauce over the ravioli and brought everything out to the table. "Dinner is served."

Casey spooned several ravioli onto her plate and sighed happily. "Alex this looks amazing. How much time did you spend on this?"

"Not as much as you think. The ravioli was delivered. But don't worry. It's not from any seevy delivery place. I know the owner of the Italian restaurant up the street."

Casey's jaw dropped. "That place charges two hundred dollars per plate, Alex!"

Alex held up her hands. "And they know how often I set a fire when I try to cook. I managed to saute the asparagus, keep the sauce warm, and pour the wine. So I don't deserve much praise for what you're eating."

"Oh, hush," Casey told her. She finished her dinner in silence, managing to catch Alex's eyes only a couple of times. The smile on Alex's face never quite reached her eyes. _Good thing it's Friday and I've got the weekend off_, she thought as she gathered her dishes.

"Casey, I'm taking care of things tonight!"

Casey ignored her and grabbed her dishes as well. She gave her a light kiss and walked into the kitchen to put everything away. She gave Alex a stern look each time she tried to leave the table and eventually Alex just gave up and remained in her seat. When the food was put away and the dishes were loaded in the dishwasher, Casey walked back out to the dining room and held out her hand, smiling warmly when Alex took it.

"Where are you taking me?" Alex asked as Casey pulled her away from the table.

Casey placed a finger over Alex's lips and pulled her along behind her. They walked into the bathroom and Casey started filling the tub. She poured an ample amount of bath gel in so there would be plenty of bubbles. She pulled Alex's shirt off slowly and then removed her own. There was a hint of confusion in Alex's eyes, but what worried Casey was the emptiness she saw in them. When their clothes were in a pile on the floor, she smiled and cupped Alex's face in her hands. She cocked her head towards the tub and climbed in.

Alex hesitantly followed Casey into the bathtub and quietly accepted the gentle massage Casey offered. She hated that she was struggling so much right now. Her thoughts were racing around in her head and nothing made any sense. So, she focused on the only thing in her life that did make sense: the woman sitting behind her. Guilt immediately took over. "Casey, tonight's supposed to be about you. I know this week has been hard and tonight-"

"Tonight is about us," Casey whispered. She squeezed water from the loofah over Alex's chest and pulled her close. "You made dinner about me, and it was incredible. Now this bath is about you." She kissed the back of Alex's head and wrapped her legs around Alex's. Rubbing her hands up and down Alex's arms, she whispered gently, "I love you. And I promise you that you can still tell me anything, no matter what it is, and I will still love you. You've promised me that you're safe and I can come to you with anything. You have proven that you mean it. Now let me show you that same proof in return."

Alex felt a lump forming in her throat, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get rid of it. She had promised Casey that she was safe, that she was loved. Alex knew Casey loved her, but she was having a hard time opening her mouth and talking. Keeping her emotions in check had always been one of her strongest suits. She prided herself on her ability to stay calm and collected, no matter what was going on at the time.

"I'm right here, sweetie," Casey told her. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

Alex reached up and gave Casey's hands a gentle squeeze. She couldn't bring herself to speak, but she was grateful that Casey was there. Maybe this would be the woman who was finally able to break her vow of silent strength.

When they climbed into bed that night, Casey immediately wrapped her arms around Alex and guided hr head onto her chest. "I'm holding you tonight."

Alex shook her head. "You've had the week from hell, Casey." She went to move, but Casey stopped her.

"Don't fight me, sweetie." She combed her fingers through Alex's hair and took a deep breath. "Yeah, this week was hard. What Robyn went through...it brought back a lot of memories. And every single day when I came home, you were here. You were hear and you supported me and I knew that everything was going to be okay." She kissed the top of Alex's head and held her breath when she felt her chest getting wet. Alex was crying. It was just a few tears, but at least they were there. "I'm right here, hone. I promise. Help me help you."

Alex knew at this point she probably couldn't stop the tears. Listening to Casey's words, she was no longer sure she wanted to. Her teeth were chattering when she tried to speak. It took her a few minutes, she finally managed to get them to stop. "I quit my job."

Casey stopped combing Alex's hair and pulled her head up next to her own. She wasn't expecting the fear she saw in Alex's eyes as she tried desperately to hold back the tears. "Talk to me, Alex," she said as firmly and gently as she could. "Did something happen?"

"I got shot," Alex said dully.

_Okay, not the answer I was expectin. _"Yeah, four years ago. Alex, what-"

"Alex died four years ago, Casey."


	6. Chapter 6

**Dick owns 'em.**

* * *

><p><em>Casey stopped combing Alex's hair and pulled her head up next to her own. She wasn't expecting the fear she saw in Alex's eyes as she tried desperately to hold back the tears. "Talk to me, Alex," she said as firmly and gently as she could. "Did something happen?"<em>

"_I got shot," Alex said dully._

_Okay, not the answer I was expecting. "Yeah, four years ago. Alex, what-"_

"_Alex died four years ago, Casey."_

Casey didn't like where this conversation was going. "Come on," she said, throwing off the covers and climbing out of bed.

"Where are we going?

"We're going out to the living room. I'll pour us a glass of wine, you'll show me how to work your fireplace, then we'll wrap our arms around each other and maybe even do a little kissing."

This time, Alex's smile did reach her eyes, but it didn't stay long. She followed Casey and sat down on the couch while Casey poured the wine. "You're really going to do this, aren't you?" she asked when Casey sat down next to her.

"You bet I am." Casey handed Alex a glass of wine and smiled. _You're scaring the hell out of me right now, you know that don't you?_ She picked up the fireplace remote and handed it to Alex. "Now, how do you work this thing?" _Just keep her talking. It doesn't matter what she's talking about, as long as she's talking._

Alex took the remote and held it for a minute. "You have the on and off buttons," she said softly. "The up and down arrows control how large the flames are. And here's the timer. Use the arrows to control how long you want it on."

"Good to know." Casey took the remote and laid it on the coffee table. She leaned back against the arm of the couch and pulled Alex with her. _Come on, sweetie,_ Casey urged silently. _Talk to me. You're safe here._

Casey's arms were wrapped around her and Alex was holding her hands. She couldn't remember ever feeling safer in her life. Every time she felt her inner voice telling her to keep quiet and stop worrying about everything, she could have sworn she also felt Casey give her a gentle squeeze. She opened her mouth to say something, bt closed it before anything came out. Taking a deep breath, she clenched her teeth. "My law school tuition was paid for the moment my mother realized she was pregnant."

"You've known you were going to be a lawyer since you were a kid."

"I've known what my parents told me I was going to be since I was a kid."

"What did you want to do?"

"I was never allowed to want to do anything. I had a few days where I thought it'd be great to be an actress or a dancer. Took a few dance classes until my parents decided I was enjoying it too much and not focusing enough on my future political ambitions. I was sixteen."

"What kind of dance did you do?"

"Ballet and jazz. Jazz mostly."

Casey nodded and nudged her gently. "Looking at you, I bet you were really good."

"Looking at me?"

"You've got the body of a dancer."

"You admiring my body?"

"Always." Casey sat up a bit and cupped Alex's face in her hands. She smiled warmly and leaned her head forward so their foreheads were touching. "What happened, Alex? Why'd you quit your job?"

Alex shook her head. "I got called in to interpret for a guy who was brought in for questioning. He was a suspect in five murders. I knew he did it. The cops knew he did it. But I don't know if they're going to be able to prove it. Anyway, the things he said...the racial slurs I had to say out loud for him. I realized I was going to have to say all of those things in front of a courtroom full of people. And odds are I was going to have to interpret for rapists, child molesters, and everything else. I just...I couldn't do it."

"Okay," Casey whispered. She kissed Alex's forehead and traced her cheekbone. "It's going to be okay."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Quitting. Now I have no job."

Casey shook her head. "Well we're going to figure out what it is you want to do. Then you're going to do it."

"It's not that easy."

"No, it's not. But you'll be okay. We'll figure everything out, Alex. I promise."

Alex averted Casey's gaze and looked out the window. "I enjoyed interpreting, I really did. I just didn't love it."

Casey considered Alex's words carefully before responding. "Well then the two of us are going to figure out what it is that you love and then we'll get you doing it." She reached over and pulled something out of the drawer of the coffee table. "Here," she said softly.

Alex took the offered gift but didn't open it immediately. She held the small box, wrapped in a deep purple satin cloth, in her hands for several minutes. She had a pretty good idea of what was in side, but she knew once she opened it, she probably wouldn't be able to hold the tears back much longer. Taking a deep breath, she unfolded the cloth wrapping and pulled out a small black box. "Casey," she said, her hands beginning to shake.

"I love you," Casey whispered. She gently opened the box and pulled out the ring. "I couldn't afford this when you proposed. I had been saving for a couple of weeks, but I didn't have enough at the time. I bought it last week and I've been waiting for the best time to give it to you." She slipped the ring onto Alex's finger and was relieved to see tears forming in the woman's eyes. Maybe now she wouldn't have to hold her own back much longer. "This is my promise to love you always, no matter what. You have my heart, Alex. I cannot begin to express how much you mean to me. Knowing that you love me, that you want to spend the rest of your life with me, gives me the strength to get through the bad days. You are a beautiful, wonderful woman and I am so lucky to have you in my life."

Alex wrapped her arms around Casey and held her as if her life depended on it. The ring was beautiful, and Casey's words were echoing over and over in her mind. She knew she was going to be okay. It wasn't going to be easy, but she knew she would be okay. No matter how bad things got, she knew she would always have this woman to pick her up. She wanted to open her mouth and just let everything out, tell Casey exactly what she was feeling, but when she looked at the clock and saw that it was nearly 2:30, she sighed. Not tonight, or this morning rather. They needed to go to bed and get some sleep.

"I don't care what time it is," Casey said, noticing Alex's apparent desire to talk. "I'm here if you need me."

Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I don't know how much longer I'm going to be a Cabot."

"What do you mean?"

"That night, when my uncle hit me, my mother told me I needed to get back in the courtroom. She told me I needed to stay away from SVU and she was embarrassed I'd ever been there in the first place. Then she told me Langan's firm was hiring."

Casey nearly laughed. "Trevor Langan?"

"Yeah. I politely refused. Told her Langan was an arrogant bastard and I'd rather die than work for him. Turns out Langan's my uncle's wife's cousin, and they're very close. Long story short, my uncle told me I was an idiot to turn away such a wonderful opportunity. I could still retain some sense of dignity though, by dumping you and marrying Trevor."

This time Casey actually did laugh. "I'm sorry, I just...I can't believe they want you to marry Langan."

"I went out with him once. Just once, to satisfy my mother. Elliot and Olivia interrupted us because they needed a warrant. Never in my life have I been so relieved to end a date early."

Casey combed her fingers through Alex's hair. "So, why do you think you won't be a Cabot for much longer?"

"Well a person can only disappoint her mother so many times before she's disowned. I'm gay. I'm dating a woman who has far less money than anyone my mother would knowingly associate with, a woman who works with the most inhuman criminals on the planet. I'm at a point where I can almost always eat without worrying about it. I refuse to join Langan's team, even though doing so would allow me to quickly climb any political ladder I want. That's a lot of disappointment."

Casey nodded. "You want to know what I think?"

"Even if I say no, you're going to tell me anyway, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

Alex sighed. "Okay."

"I think your mother's horrible for not realizing just what an amazing daughter she has. There is nothing wrong with your sexuality. You're out to your friends, which I know from personal experience is not an easy thing to do. You're able to eat now, even after twelve years of your mother's food and weight obsessions, with very few issues. I can't imagine how much work it took you to get to this point. We all know Langan's part of the dark side, so I can't give you too many points for not dating him." Casey was thrilled that her comment brought a small smile to Alex's face. That little smile was beautiful. "As for your dating a poor whore, I'm just happy-"

Alex suddenly snapped out of her trance and jerked away from Casey. "You are _not_ a poor whore. Casey please believe that I do not feel that way about you."

"I know. I was just repeating your mother's words."

Alex leaned back against Casey and stared at the dancing flames in the fireplace. "She's one of the nastiest, most judgmental people I know. I've always thought that I would eventually write her out of my life. So why does it hurt so much to know that's what she's probably going to do to me?"

Casey could feel Alex start to shake in her arms. _Please cry, honey. You'll feel better, I promise._ She held Alex a little tighter and traced her knuckles with her thumbs. "Because your mother is supposed to love you no matter what. Because even though you're thirty-six years old, you're still her child. And to have your mother do that to you has got to be one of the most painful things a person can go through."

"Are you trying to make me cry?"

"No," Casey answered softly. "But if you need to or want to, please do it. You love your mother, Alex, even though she's always been so horrible to you, she's still your mother. It's okay to love her, no matter how much you hate her." She leaned forward so she could kiss Alex's cheek. When she felt Alex squeeze her hands, she knew the woman was close to crying, to letting the pain out.

"I never once got any praise from her. She never told me I was beautiful. The only times she told me she loved me were when people were around to hear her say it." Alex's voice had gone cold. She was holding back all of her emotions at this point. "All I've ever been to her is an accessory she could dress up and show off to her friends. And just once...just one fucking time I wish she'd tell me she loves me, that she's proud of me."

Casey felt her own eyes watering at Alex's words. It hurt to hear them, to try to picture a very young Alex doing everything in her power to earn her mother's love and never getting it. _And to think I once tried to downplay what you went through,_ Casey thought guiltily. "I love you," she said firmly. "And _I'm_ proud of you. I know it's not the same, but it's true."

Alex turned around so she could snuggle closer to Casey and bury her face in her neck. She'd never shared this with anyone, not even with the various therapists she'd seen over the years, and it felt so good to let it out. It was a huge relief to confess all of this to Casey and then feel Casey hold her a little tighter, kiss her a little longer, and tell her over and over that she was loved. She finally let the tears fall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Dick owns 'em.**

**It's a longish one. Hope you enjoy.**

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><p>Alex and Casey arrived at Olivia and Elliot's for the dinner party promptly at 7:30. Dinner – Mexican takeout – was already on the table and the charades game was in the living room. Everyone wa ready to drink lots of wine and let loose with the game.<p>

They piled the food onto their plates and went out into the living room. "I get Alex tonight," Olivia said quickly, grabbing Alex's arm and dragging her to the couch.

"You stealing my girlfriend?"

Olivia laughed. "Yep. You get her all the time, Casey. I get her tonight." She squeezed Alex's arm and stole a bite of her enchilada. "You're stuck with my husband."

"Fine. So long as I get to bring her home tonight."

"I make no promises."

Alex couldn't believe how good it felt to have her two best friends pretending to fight over her. It was obvious they were faking it, but that somehow made it even better. "Sorry, Case. Olivia's mine tonight."

Casey turned to Elliot and sat down on the floor, patting the spot next to her. "Think you can get down here or are your knees too old?" She gave him a playful grin and returned to her dinner.

"And everyone's saying you're stuck with me," Elliot said, taking a seat next to her. "Looks like I'm the one stuck with you."

The game of charades was quickly under way. Alex and Olivia took the lead almost from the start, and they only seemed to get better after each sip of wine they drank. "We're getting killed here," Elliot told Casey after he failed to guess flying saucer. "Your girlfriend is too good at this."

Casey glared at Alex. "No. they just keep getting easy ones like teacher and telescope. And you suck at guessing."

"You were spinning around in a circle with your arms over your head. How the hell was I supposed to guess flying saucer?"

"I got it in ten seconds," Alex informed him. "You really are a bad guesser."

"Well Cabot, next time you're on my team. You're he guesser in this bunch and that's what I'm going to need. You up for it?"

Alex pretended to think about it while she laced her arm in with Olivia's. "Well it'll be up to Olivia here. She'll have to give us the okay."

"Don't I get a say?" Casey asked. "What if I want her?"

"No," Alex said. "Despite my telling Elliot that Olivia would have to give the okay, I'm the only one who actually gives the okay. And considering Olivia's helping me kick your asses, I think I'm going to stick with her."

Olivia grinned and wrapped her arm around Alex. "Back off, everyone. Cabot's mine."

Alex smiled. Casey was ecstatic to see it. Alex had been so upset the day before, trying to find herself between who she was four years ago, the various aliases she had, and who she was now. Everyone had moved on during those three years she was in witness protection, but Alexandra Cabot hadn't. Alexandra Cabot had lost three years of her life, and for the past year she had been desperately trying to catch up. Casey smiled when she met Alex's eyes. "I love you," she mouthed.

"I love you, too," Alex mouthed in return. She almost hadn't come tonight. As good as it felt to be around her old friends, it was also difficult. They had moved on. They had solved cases without her. Hell, they had even gotten married. And she had missed all of it. It had felt like they all expected her to just be the same Alex she was before, but she wasn't. She had changed. She'd been dealing pretty well with it, but it was getting harder rather than easier. Talking to Casey last night had been a turning point for her. And playing charades with everyone made her realize that Elliot and Olivia had no expectations. They didn't expect her to be anyone other than herself, whoever that might be at this time. And they seemed to just want to hang out with her. Now that the game was over, she walked over and sat down next to Casey. "Thanks for making me come tonight," she whispered.

Casey nodded and leaned against her. Her plan had worked. The dinner had been planned for a couple of weeks now, but getting Alex on someone else's team for the game, setting up the fight over her, had only happened because of a quick phone call she'd made that morning. Olivia had told her that she'd also noticed Alex struggling a bit and she was only too happy to help.

Olivia walked them to the door and gave Casey a quick hug before pulling Alex into a tight one. "It's so good to have you back. I feel like I don't say that enough. It's good to have you back, Alex." She leaned over and rested her chin on Alex's shoulder. "And I'll take whichever Alex I can get," she whispered. "Alex from four years ago, Alex mixed in with Emily and Meredith and whoever else you happened to be. The Alex I've currently got my arms around is one hell of a great friend. And a damn good charades player."

"Only when you're on my team."

"Good. Then you'll be on my team next time?"

Alex followed Casey outside and smiled. "Wouldn't have it any other way." The cab they had called earlier was just pulling up and they climbed in. "You called her, didn't you?"

"No," Casey answered, way too quickly, as she buckled her seat belt.

Alex reached over and gave Casey's hand a gentle squeeze. "Thank you."

* * *

><p>Olivia and Elliot were sitting at their desks filling out paperwork when Cragen stormed out of his office. He walked over to them and frowned. "The patrol watching Parker Zimmerman lost him forty-five minutes ago. I need the two of you to get the hell over to his ex-wife's house and make sure she and their four kids are okay."<p>

"They lost him?" Olivia yelled. "He rapes four women, gets off on a technicality even though he threatened to kill his wife and kids in the courtroom, and they LOST him?"

"Get to the family now, ask questions later."

Olivia followed Elliot out of the precinct and climbed into the car. They drove as quickly as they could to the house. Pulling into the driveway, everything seemed normal. They got out of the car and crept up to the front door, keeping a hand on their guns as they did so. As soon as they reached the front door, they drew their guns. It was kicked in. They nodded at each other and slowly entered the house. Nothing could have prepared them for what they found inside.

There was blood everywhere. It was on the floor, the walls, the ceiling, the furniture. It took several seconds for them to realize that there were four bodies in the living room, each of them hacked to pieces. Elliot and Olivia looked around the room for a minute before deciding that Parker wasn't in there anymore.

"Elliot?"

"What, Liv?"

"There are four bodies in here, including Ms. Zimmon."

"Your point?"

"They had four kids. Where's the youngest? Where's Steven?"

Elliot noticed movement to his left and his gun was immediately in the air. "Freeze! NYPD!" his eyes widened slightly when he saw Parker stop suddenly in the kitchen. He was holding his four-year-old son at knife point. "Put him down, Parker."

"No! Get out of my house! Get the hell out of my hose!" Parker pressed the knife into Steven's neck, but didn't press hard enough to cut him. Not yet anyway.

Elliot kept his focus on Parker and tried to keep him talking while Olivia moved to the right to get a better angle. "Parker, your son is scared. You can let him go. He doesn't have to die, too. Let him go." He realized Parker was thinking about it and nodded. "That's it, Parker. Put him down."

As soon as Steven's feet were on the ground, Olivia dropped her gun and knelt down, holding out both of her hands. "That's it, sweetie. Come over here." Before the boy had taken three steps towards her, she felt an intense pain in her side, and then another in her back. "Ahh!" she moaned, falling to the floor before everything went black.

Elliot was distracted for a second when he heard Olivia cry out in pain. He snapped his head towards her and saw her crumple to the floor. A man stood over her, hands raised with a knife, about to stab her again. A single shot from Elliot's gun left the man with a bullet between his eyes. He saw Parker reach for Steven and fired the exact same shot again, dropping the man where he stood. Steven was screaming, and Olivia was lying on the floor motionless. He had to make a decision. "Okay, Steven, it's okay. It's going to be okay." He froze when he realized how pale Olivia looked. She was losing a lot of blood. He motioned for Steven to come over to him while he placed his hands over Olivia's wounds. "Come on, honey. Stay with me. Stay with me, Olivia!" He grabbed his radio and called for an ambulance, then returned to his injured wife. "Come on, Liv. You've gotta stay with me. You can't leave me now. I need you."

* * *

><p>Casey sat on the couch, only half listening to CNN on the television. She was nursing a glass of wine and trying to figure out what Alex was cooking. It was a little nerve-wracking, knowing Alex's history in the kitchen, but Alex seemed determined to make this dish tonight. <em>And the fire extinguisher is at my feet, should anything go wrong.<em> She set her glass down on the coffee table and turned around on the couch. "You're really not going to tell me, are you?"

"Not a chance," Alex yelled from the kitchen. "Just watch the news and be ready to tell me what's going on in the world."

Casey pouted and rested her feet on the coffee table. She knew that was one of Alex's pet peeves, and she wanted to see how long she could get away with it. Since their argument, she'd taken to cleaning up after herself a bit more and Alex was trying not to let small messes get to her so much. They both had their moments, but they were getting better. Casey figured that the occasional fight over who cleaned this mess or who made that one was well worth it in the end.

"Feet off the table!"

Casey looked at her watch and laughed. "Wow, five whole minutes. I think that's a new record."

"Shut up and get out here. Dinner's ready."

"Finally," Casey said with a smile. Her eyes widened when she saw the dish on the table. "That looks like chicken and gravy. Alex, did you make chicken and gravy?"

Alex smiled proudly. "The dish I perfected while I was Meredith Axley."

"They let you cook while you were in the program?"

"Haha," Alex joked. "The only place that delivered there was this horrible Chinese takeout place. Now, you know I love Chinese, but after about the fifth round of food poisoning, I decided to call it quits. I was supposed to be from Kentucky, and my handler suggested I try some good ol' country cooking."

Casey laughed at Alex's obviously faked southern accent. "Did you explain to them how you set fire to your stove when you try to cook?"

"I did. But they were insistent I learn to fend for myself. The grocery store was forty minutes away, and I didn't want to have to live on prepared foods all the time. So I learned how to make something."

"Makes sense. In a terrifying sort of way."

"Oh just try it."

Casey stabbed a piece of chicken and put it on her plate. She stared at Alex for a minute and pretended to be afraid as she took a bite. "Wow," she said, chewing her food slowly. "This is actually really good."

"I know. It's the gravy."

"I'm rather fond of the fried chicken."

"It was my comfort food in Montana. I'd...never been lonelier, never had to be someone so not me. This was the one dish I could actually really cook, even if it was Meredith's dish instead of mine."

Casey smiled. "Well now you're going to have to make it once a week again, you know. No way you can cook something this delicious and then leave me hanging." She noticed the brief flash of hesitation on Alex's face. It disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Still, Casey had a feeling she knew where it came from. She finished her chicken and swallowed nervously. "I know you're not Meredith Axley. You're Alex Cabot. But Meredith Axley is a part of you, even if that part is a country fried chicken cook."

"You really like it?"

"Alex, I love it. I can tell why it was your comfort food. It's delicious."

"Good, because I actually really enjoyed cooking it for you."

Before Casey could answer, she heard her phone buzzing on the coffee table. "Damn phone. Alays rings at the most inopportune time." She walked over and flipped open her phone. "Novak."

Alex watched her girlfriend's face pale when she answered the phone. She was about to ask what wsas wrong when she heard her own phone ring. "Hello?"

"Hey, Alex, it's Fin."

His voice was too low, too quiet, too...sad. "What's wrong?"

"It's Olivia. There was an accident."

"What kind of accident?"

"She was, um, she was stabbed."

"What!"

"They took her to Mercy."

Alex bit her lower lip. "How bad is it?"

Fin didn't answer right away, and he knew that his silence was only furthering Alex's worry. "You guys should meet us at the hospital."

The line went dead and Alex sat her phone down on the table. She looked over to see Casey staring blankly at her phone. Tears were running down her cheeks. She walked over and hugged her.

"That was Munch," Casey said blankly. "Olivia was stabbed."

"I know. Fin told me."

Casey pulled out of the hug and leaned her forehead against Alex's. She wiped away a few of Alex's tears and smiled sadly when she felt Alex doing the same for her. She held her breath for a moment and shook her head. "We have to get to the hospital. We can cry later. Right now, we just have to get to the hospital."

"Yeah," Alex said gently. "Yeah you're right. I'll call us a cab."

Casey nodded and went to pull away, but then realized she didn't want to lose the contact. She kept an arm around Alex while Alex made the phone call. When Alex's arm snaked around her, she offered a small smile. "She'll be okay. Olivia's going to be okay."

Alex squeezed her gently. She was so grateful to have Casey's arm around her. "Of course she is. She's too stubborn to let a little stabbing get in the way of her life."

"Yeah, I know." They made their way downstairs and waited in the lobby for the cab. "You know, she um, she really got me through a lot when I first got here. She's...she's gotten me through a lot, Alex."

"I know. She got me through a lot, too."

"Guess it's time for us to get her through this."

Alex nodded. "We well. Together, we'll get her through this.


	8. Chapter 8

**Dick owns 'em.**

**This one took me a couple of days to write. I finally got it to where I'm pretty sure I'm happy with it. Hopefully y'all will be too. :)**

**Oh and it's another long one. Possibly longer than the previous chapter. Whoo.**

* * *

><p>Alex and Casey ran into the emergency room and found Cragen, Munch, and Fin sitting in the chairs as close to the nurses' station as possible. The three men stood up when they walked over. Everyone just looked around, nobody knowing what to say. They all finally decided to just sit down and wait. There wasn't really anything else they could do.<p>

"How is she?" Casey asked once the silence became too much.

Fin shook his head. "In surgery. They haven't told us anything."

"Where's Elliot?"

"I.A.B."

Casey whipped her head toward him. "He's what?"

Munch hesitated before stepping in for his partner. "The surgeons told us that it would be several hours before they were finished, and then quite a few more before it was even possible for her to wake up. He decided to get the interrogation over with. He, uh, he killed two people, so they have to at least investigate."

"He killed two people?"

"Apparently Parker had a fried nobody knew about. He took them by surprise."

Casey shook her head. "So Parker's friend stabbed her?"

"Yeah."

"Damn." A second guy? Nothing in Parker's history or psychological profile had indicated he might be working with a partner. Who the hell was this guy? "Elliot will be fine," she said firmly, to nobody in particular. "They'll clear him. He did everything by the book. They'll clear him."

"And I'm sure I.A.B. knows she'll come after them if they don't."

The minutes passed by in silence. Cragen had to return to the precinct and two hours later Munch and Fin had to do the same. Elliot returned four hours after Casey and Alex arrived and was surprised when they hugged him.

"Are you okay?" Casey asked gently as she pulled away.

He shook his head. He was nowhere near okay. Crying wouldn't help him, and he wasn't sure he could even if he wanted to. He stared at the doors he knew the surgeon would eventually walk through. "That guy came out of nowhere. He came out of nowhere and I shot him in the head."

Casey guided him to the chairs she had been sitting in and sat down next to him. "Your wife is the strongest, most stubborn woman on the face of this planet. She's a fighter. She'll make it through this."

"It had a hook."

"What?"

"The knife. The tip of the blade was hooked, so it would do more damage when it was pulled out."

Alex realized that Elliot wasn't really talking to them. He was just trying to figure out what had happened and make some sense out of it. She felt Casey's hand on her shoulder and reached up and held it. Everything was going to be okay.

Olivia's surgery lasted a total of six hours. Elliot practically ran over when the surgeon came through the doors. Casey and Alex were close behind him.

"How is she?"

The doctor removed her mask and sighed. "Mr. Stabler-"

"No! Just tell me how she is!"

"Okay." She sat down on a chair and waited for Elliot to join her. "I'm Dr. Carden. Your wife's injuries were quite severe and she lost quite a bit of blood. We lost her twice on the operating table, but were successful in shocking her heart back twice. Her spleen was ruptured and we had to remove it. She's in critical condition, and the next twenty-four hours are the critical ones, but she's clearly a fighter."

"So she's going to be okay?"

"I can't make any promises, but from the strength I saw in her over the last six hours, I'd say she has a good chance."

"Can I see her?" He looked around to see Alex and Casey on either side of him. Olivia's two best friends. "Can we see her?"

She nodded. "Just for a few minutes. Now, you're her husband and I know you're both cops. You're sitting here with a prosecutor and a former prosecutor. Your wife was injured while trying to save the life of a young boy. So considering all of that, I feel like I can bend the rules a bit and let you stay with her overnight. The two women beside you, however, can only stay for a few minutes."

Alex took Casey's hand and they followed the surgeon into Olivia's room. There were wires and machines everywhere. It's never easy to see someone you love hooked up to machines that are keeping her alive. She choked back a sob as Elliot encouraged her to go talk to Olivia first. She sat down on the chair next to the bed and held Olivia's hand. _God, you're pale. How much blood did you lose?_ She wiped away a tear and tried to smile. "Hey, Liv. You gave us quite a scare. You'll be okay though. Everyone's pulling for you. You've got everyone at the station behind you. Elliot's here, Casey and I are here. We all love you so, so much. So you've got to get better. You've got to wake up so we can tell you how much we love you."

Casey placed her hand over Alex's and gave it a gentle squeeze. She traced Olivia's knuckles and fought the tears. She'd been trying to figure out what to say and had a feeling once she started talking, she was going to go on for a while. "She's right, Liv. We're all here, and we all love you. You're strong and you're stubborn as hell. I have no doubt that you're going to be just fine. Now, hospital rules dictate that you have to be alone tonight, seeing as how you were really injured, but you managed to get a surgeon who not only brought you back to life twice, she also got the okay for Elliot to stay overnight. Now, Alex and I have to leave, but we'll be back tomorrow. And when we come back, you'd better be awake." She leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on Olivia's forehead. "Elliot's going to take care of you tonight. Alex and I will switch off with him if you stubbornness doesn't wake you up soon. We love you too much to let you spend one night alone in the hospital."

They walked away from the bed and let Elliot sit down in the chair. "We'll be back tomorrow, El," Alex told him. "Take care."

Elliot nodded but didn't take his eyes off of Olivia. "Thanks for coming."

"You call us if you need anything. No matter what time it is, you call us if you need us."

"Yeah," he said, still focusing on Olivia.

Casey pulled lightly on Alex's arm. "Come on, sweetie. We need to go home. We'll be back tomorrow."

* * *

><p>Casey followed Alex into the house and they sat down on the couch. They were both exhausted, but neither would be sleeping tonight. By this time it was a bit past midnight. Casey was just relieved that she didn't have to be in court later today.<p>

"She'll be okay," Alex said, leaning against Casey.

"I know she will."

The reality of the situation was starting to sick in. "Olivia's in a coma."

"I know." Casey wrapped her arms around Alex and wished there was something she could do or say to make the situation better. She knew there wasn't anything, but that knowledge didn't make her feel any better about what was going on. "Feel like taking a shower?"

"Okay."

Once they were in the shower, Casey realized that she wanted as much physical contact with Alex as she could get. Seeing Olivia in that hospital room, in a coma and hooked up to nearly every machine imaginable, was starting to take its toll on her. She was realizing how precious life is and how much Alex meant to her.

It started off as gentle kissing and Alex was more than happy to participate. Feeling Casey's arms around her, Casey's hands moving slowly up and down her back, took away a bit of the stress and pain of the day. But when Casey's hands cupped her ass cheeks and her lips moved down her neck and to her chest, Alex realized what was happening. As much as she wanted to, she knew she had to put a stop to it. She grabbed Casey's wrists and gently pulled them away. "Casey, wait-"

"I love you," Casey whispered eagerly, intensifying the kiss.

Alex turned off the water and pulled away. "I love you, too, honey. But this-"

"I'm ready, Alex. We've been together for more than a year and we haven't even had sex yet! I'm ready now. Olivia's in a coma. We almost lost her, Alex. We almost lost our best friend. Life's short. You almost died once, remember? I don't want to lose you without-"

"Okay," Alex said softly. She took Casey's hands and gave them a gentle squeeze. "It's going to be okay. I'm worried about Olivia, too, but I don't think this is the way to make ourselves feel better."

Casey shook her head. "I'm ready, Alex."

"Yeah," Alex said, meeting Casey's eyes and stroking her knuckles. "I believe you, and I'm glad you trust me enough to do that. I'm glad you're ready. But, um, I'm not."

Alex's words hit her like a ton of bricks. All of her focus had been on her own fears and insecurities, on getting herself to take this next step. She hadn't even thought to worry about whether or not Alex was ready. The thought hadn't even crossed her mind. "Alex, I'm so sorry. I didn't-"

A small smile appeared on Alex's face. She grabbed two towels from the warmer and they walked out to the bedroom. Sensing that the physical contact that she needed the most at this point was the same as what Casey needed, Alex decided to skip the pajamas tonight She dropped her towel on the floor and told Casey to do the same.

Casey kept the towel wrapped around herself when she reached her side of the bed. "Did you really just tell me to throw my wet towel on the floor?"

"I did."

"Wet towel? On the floor?"

"Yes." Alex smiled warmly and climbed into bed. "Come on and get in. We'll hold each other for a bit, sleep in as much as we can, and go visit Olivia in the afternoon. How does that sound?"

Casey climbed into the bed and was happy to feel Alex's arms and legs wrap around her. This was the first time they'd done this without clothes and she couldn't believe how safe and comfortable she felt. She didn't think she'd ever feel this way and she felt tears in her eyes when she realized just how loving and understanding Alex really was. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Why wasn't I ready in the shower?"

"Yeah." Casey swallowed nervously. "Was it something I-"

"No," Alex said firmly. She moved close to Casey so they were touching as much as physically possible. "I have never loved anyone the way that I love you, Casey. There are no words for how much I love you."

"So in the shower, that wasn't about me?"

"No."

Casey hesitated for a minute. "It's been more than a year, Alex. It's been more than a year and we haven't-"

"Sex is probably the least important thing for me in a relationship." She brushed the hair out of Casey's eyes and cupped her face. Tracing Casey's cheek with her thumb, Alex spoke softly. "What matters to me is intimacy-not necessarily physical though. We trust each other. We can tell each other anything and know that nothing will change when we wake up in the morning. I can eat with you. I feel beautiful when you look at me. You brought me home to meet your family and I have never felt more welcomed in my entire life." She smiled and let a single tear fall, laughing when Casey wiped it away.

"Well don't stop there," Casey said with a grin. "Feel free to keep going."

Alex planted a kiss on Casey's lips. "It's been the best fourteen months of my life. To hear about what you've been through, and to see how strong you are...Casey, it's unbelievable. We're lying in bed. We're naked in bed, and you seem perfectly comfortable."

"That's because I am."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it."

"So?" Casey asked softly, reminding Alex that she still hadn't answered her question.

After taking a moment to think, Alex sighed. "I want to make love to you, believe me. I really, _really_ do. But I want our first time to be on a good day. I don't want it to be on the day our best friend actually died twice and ended up in a coma. Healing sex cannot be the first sex we have."

Casey nodded. Alex was right. Tonight was the exact wrong night for their first time. "How about healing spooning then?"

"That sounds perfect." She spooned into Casey and pulled Casey's arms tightly around herself. "I love you."

"I love you too. Good night."

"Good night."


	9. Chapter 9

**Dick owns 'em.**

* * *

><p>When Alex and Casey were in the room, all Elliot wanted was to be alone with Olivia. Now that they were gone, he wanted nothing more than to have them back. He was holding Olivia's hand and he had no idea what to do.<p>

"Hey, Liv. It's uh, it's me. I was just thinking about the first time we met. Cragen introduced us and I was livid. I was so sure I didn't want a woman for a partner. I stormed into Cragen's office and gave him hell. You know what he did? He stood there, arms crossed, and just waited until I was finished rambling. Then he said four simple words: 'Give her a chance.' Those four words made me so angry. I didn't want to give you a chance. My partner had just died and all I could think about was the fact that I'd been handed this female rookie I'd have to train. But then we caught our first case. And you chased that perp nearly half a mile before tackling him. I couldn't keep up with you. That's when I knew I could trust you to have my back." He took a deep breath and traced her knuckles. The machines were beeping, proving they were keeping her alive. _This room is way too white_, he decided. How anyone was supposed to recover in such a plain room he had no idea. Though he supposed with her being in a coma, the décor of the room didn't matter much. "I failed you today. I didn't have your back. So now you have to wake up. You have to wake up so I can have your back again. You have to wake up so I can tell you how much I love you." He sighed and looked away from her. "You have to wake up because I can't do this without you."

* * *

><p>The days passed by slowly. Everyone stopped by to visit Olivia, wishing there was more they could do and knowing that there wasn't. Elliot only left her side to eat and use the restroom. Munch and Fin had caught a case, so they'd only been able to stop by a couple of times. Alex was there for almost all of visiting hours and Case came when she did have to be in court.<p>

Five days had passed and there was no change. "The doctors are still hopeful," Elliot said when Alex walked into the room on that fifth day. "They said that considering her injuries and how they had to...to remove her spleen and shock her back to life twice, five days really isn't that much time."

"Elliot, go home."

"No, Alex. I can't leave her. If she wakes up and I'm not here-"

"You ever stop to think that she might not have woken up because you smell like you haven't taken a shower in five days? Oh wait, that's right. You _haven't _taken a shower in five days."

"What?"

Alex smiled and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Go home. Take a shower. Eat some real food for a change. Then you can come back here and hold her hand again. I'll stay. And I promise to call you if she wakes up."

"Alex-"

"Go home, Elliot!" She stepped out of the way so Elliot could say a few things to Olivia in private. She gave him a hug as he reluctantly left the room. As she took a seat in the chair next to Olivia's bed, she frowned. "Your color's coming back. I had to send Elliot home. He was starting to stink up the whole room. We're trying to get you better, not make you worse." She sat there in silence for a while. Memories of her time as the SVU ADA came flooding back to her and she couldn't keep the smile off her face. So many cases. They'd been through so much together. It hadn't always been easy, but they'd always come out okay in the end. Despite all their fights, despite getting shot and being "dead" for three years, Alex had managed to remain good friends with her. She held Olivia's hand. "Okay, Olivia, here's the thing," she said firmly. "You've been in this coma for five days. Now, I know you were stabbed. Twice. With a big knife that had a hook on the end. I know that must have hurt like hell. And I know they had to take your spleen and shock your heart twice. Your body's been through hell and it needs time to recover. But recover already. We're going crazy here and we really need you to recover. I'm going to get married and I need you to be there. I need my maid of honor to be there. So damn it, Olivia, wake up!"

Barely two had passed when Alex noticed that Olivia's eyelids were fluttering. She was trying to wake up. Alex immediately paged the nurses' station and leaned her face close to Olivia's. "That's it, Liv. That's it. Wake up. You can do it. Wake up!"

Two nurses walked into the room and when Alex told them Olivia was waking up they immediately paged her doctor and got to work checking her vitals. It took nearly twenty minutes, but Olivia finally managed to open her eyes. She immediately began to struggle.

"Ms. Benson," one of the nurses said softly. "You're okay. You've got a tube down your throat to help you breathe. The doctor's on his way to take it out. Just relax, okay?"

Olivia was breathing heavily as she tried to figure out what was going on. She remembered being stabbed, and she remembered people talking to her. She'd been trying to open her eyes for what felt like forever, but it had been so difficult; and she had been so tired. Her eyes were darting around the room and she eventually met Alex's. Relief washed over her.

"The doctor's on his way," Alex said, squeezing Olivia's hand.

The doctor ran into the room and made her way to Olivia's bed. "Okay, Olivia, we're going to pull the tube out now. You're going to feel like coughing, and that's okay. On the count of three, I'm going to pull it out. One...two...three."

The coughing spasm forced Olivia into a near seated position and she quickly placed her hand her right side and winced. She turned to Alex and opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Fear took over and she started to panic a little. She knew she was in a hospital, but she didn't know this doctor standing over her. How long had she been here? Why couldn't she talk? And where the hell was Elliot?

"You've been intubated for five days, Ms. Benson," the doctor told her. "I'm Dr. Carden and I've been taking care of you for those five days. Well, really the nurses have. I've just been keeping track of your recovery." She offered a small smile and checked Olivia over quickly. "Everything looks pretty good from here. Your throat's probably pretty sore and dry from the tube. I'll have someone bring you a bit of water. How are you feeling though? Does anything hurt?"

Olivia was overwhelmed. So many people were standing around her and hearing that she'd been in a coma for the past five days was just too much for her to absorb. She took a deep, shaky breath as she met Alex's eyes and placed her hand on her side again.

"Your side?" Alex asked. "Your side hurts?" When Olivia nodded, Alex turned to Dr. Carden. "Can you give her anything?" She didn't bother to mention that the fact that Olivia was even admitting she was in pain meant that it had to be excruciating.

Dr. Carden placed her hand on Olivia's shoulder and waited for Olivia to turn towards her. "We're going to give you something for the pain, and it's going to make you tired. Don't fight it. Despite being in a coma for five days, your body really needs to rest.

Once Dr. Carden and the nurses left, Alex pulled out her cell phone. "I'm going to step outside and call Elliot. I have no reception in here, so I have to go out to the parking lot." She took a step away from the bed and all of a sudden Olivia was holding her hand. She saw something she'd never seen in Olivia before: fear. _Surviving a stabbing, dying twice, a spleen removal, and a five-day coma must be pretty terrifying._ She sat back down in the chair and rested her arm on the bed. "How about I give him a call after you fall asleep?" She smiled when she saw a bit of relief come over Olivia's face. She gently nudged her arm and leaned back. "Welcome back, Olivia. Welcome back."

* * *

><p>Elliot's phone was ringing. The first thought that entered his head was that if he ignored it for long enough, Olivia would answer it. Then an image of her lying in a coma in a hospital room, hooked up to all sorts of machines, entered his head and he sat up. The phone call could be about her. He was out of bed in a second. "Hello?"<p>

"She's awake," Alex told him.

He sat back down on the bed and struggled to breathe. "She woke up?"

"About an hour ago. She was a little disoriented at first, but once Dr. Carden pulled out the breathing tube and gave her some water, she seemed okay."

"Did she say anything?"

"No," Alex answered softly. "Her throat was pretty sore and dry from the tube, and she was exhausted. She's sleeping now, and I have a feeling she'd much rather see you than me when she wakes up. So you'd better get your ass over here."

As soon as Alex disconnected the line, Elliot was out the door. He had only intended to take a shower and change clothes, but after spending five days sleeping in a chair next to Olivia, his bed had looked so comfortable. He was asleep the second his head hit the pillow. He knew it was understandable for him to have fallen asleep, but he still felt guilty that he hadn't been there when she had woken up. He felt better knowing Alex was with her. At least she hadn't been alone.

He arrived at the hospital and ran into her room. Alex was sitting in the chair by the bed and Olivia was sleeping peacefully. The breathing tube was gone. Now all she had was a small oxygen tube under her nose and an i.v. In her left hand. He had never been so relieved in his life. His wife was alive. She was out of her coma and she was breathing on her own. He walked over and placed a hand on Alex's back. "Hey," he whispered.

"You got here quickly. How many laws did you break?"

"I turned my siren on." He waited for Alex to get out of the chair and took her spot, immediately holding Olivia's hand as he did so. "Thanks for calling me."

"Elliot, she's your wife. Of course I called you. Now I'm going to head home and Casey and I will call everyone. Do you want us to tell them to stop by today or wait for your call?"

Elliot checked his watch. It was almost three. As much as he was sure Olivia would want to see everyone, he didn't want to overwhelm her. And, truth be told, he really wanted to be alone with her for a while. "I think we'd better just wait until tomorrow. I want to spend some time with her, and she really needs her rest."

Alex nodded, gave Olivia's foot a firm squeeze, and walked out of the room with a smile on her face. Everything really was going to be okay.

* * *

><p>Alex waited outside the courtroom for Casey to finish. She'd tried calling her from the hospital, but Casey hadn't answered. When she'd called Casey's office, an intern had informed her that Casey had been pulled into a last minute hearing and would be a while. All she could do now was wait. This wasn't at all easy, and she noticed she was checking her watch every five minutes. "Oh, get a grip on yourself!" she muttered.<p>

Twenty minutes passed. Then thirty. After almost forty-five minutes, the courtroom doors finally opened and Alex all but ran into the room.

"Alex, hey," Casey said when Alex reached her desk. She was taking her time stacking her papers and putting them into her briefcase. The deal she'd just made hadn't been one she'd wanted to make, and Farman had called her at the last minute begging her to accept. She'd reluctantly agreed to it, but only because it gave her the location of two more bodies. This man deserved to rot in hell for all of eternity. But she'd settled for him rotting in a cell for a while before that happened. She noticed Alex's foot tapping nervously and looked up. "Something the matter?"

"Olivia's awake!"

Casey's jaw dropped. "She's what?"

"She's awake."

"Any reason you waited until I finished packing up my things to tell me?"

Alex shrugged. "People were still clearing out. I wanted to make sure I could tell you the good news without a bunch of eavesdroppers standing around."

It took Casey a few seconds to absorb the news. After spending the last five days visiting her best friend in the hospital, hoping each day that she would wake up, the news that Olivia was out of her coma was a bit overwhelming. "She's really awake?"

"Yeah."

"How is she?"

"She's okay, I think. A little disoriented when she woke up, which I guess is understandable given everything that happened. She was asleep when I left Elliot with her."

Casey sat down in her chair and took Alex's hand. "Did she say anything?"

"She couldn't. Her throat was too dry and sore and she was pretty tired."

"She's been through hell. Her body needs time to recover."

Alex nodded. She and Casey walked out of the courthouse and over to her car. "Elliot's with her now," she said. "He wanted tonight with her, but we can visit tomorrow."

"That'll be nice."

"Yeah, it will."

They spent the drive in silence and Alex pulled into the driveway. She took several deep breaths and got out of the car. Once they were inside, they sat down on the couch and wrapped their arms around each other. Alex had so much energy and no way to burn it off.

"You're awfully jumpy," Casey told her.

"I'm just excited."

"Me, too."

Alex sat up with a start. "The squad!"

"What about them?"

"Well I doubt Elliot called anyone. He's too busy at Olivia's side."

"Oh," Casey said dumbly. "Right. Well I guess we've got a few calls to make. Guess it's a good thing we'll be calling with good news. Very, very good news," she said with a grin.


	10. Chapter 10

**Dick owns 'em.**

**As requested, we've got lots o' Alex and Casey in this chapter.**

**And I do believe this is the longest chapter I've written thus far. On we go...**

* * *

><p>"So," Casey said as they climbed into bed.<p>

"So."

"Olivia's awake." She ran her hands up and down Alex's side, glad that they were able to so comfortably be completely naked in bed together. She preferred it this way. The more of Alex she could touch, the better she felt.

Casey was tracing small circles along her side and all of her senses were going wild. Her hand cupped Casey's face and she couldn't stop smiling. She moved closer and their lips met. Casey's hands gripped her waist and Alex intensified the kiss. She reached a hand up to massage Casey's breast and felt her flinch slightly. She immediately pulled away.

"Sorry," Casey whispered.

"Don't be."

Casey sighed in frustration and walked out of the room. She couldn't do this. She thought she was ready, but apparently she wasn't. She couldn't believe that after all this time she still wasn't ready. Alex would never hurt her and she knew she had never been safer than she was when she was with Alex. She was safe. She was loved. So why wasn't she ready?

"I love you," Alex said from the top of the stairs. She didn't dare come downstairs unless she was invited. It may be her house, but her actions had just upset Casey, and she wasn't going anywhere without permission.

Casey stood over the kitchen sink, bracing herself against the counter, with her back to the stairs. A single tear fell down her cheek when she heard Alex's voice. _Why is this so damn hard?_ She took a few deep breaths and turned around, frowning when she saw Alex at the top of the stairs. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she could have sworn Alex had been right behind her when she'd spoken. She smiled sadly and met Alex's eyes. "What are you doing all the way up there?"

Alex hesitated. "I-I wasn't sure..."

"Alex, do me a favor."

"What?"

"Get your ass down here." She watched as Alex slowly made her downstairs and gently wrapped her arms around her. She sighed and nuzzled her face into Alex's neck. "I'm jittery in the bedroom," she said. "And apparently a little panicky." She was happy to see the small smile creep onto Alex's face. _Here it comes,_ she thought. _More sharing about me._ She felt Alex cupping her cheek and the words just came out. "I've had sex. Lots and lots of sex. With more people than I care to count. I did so many things with so many people. I didn't really want to do them, but I did because..." she drifted off and looked away, closing her eyes when Alex's thumb began tracing her cheek. "I wanted to be wanted. I didn't really care how. They wanted me and I needed to be wanted. But then you came along and everything changed."

"You fell in love."

"Yeah."

"And everything's different when you're in love."

Casey sighed. "Yeah."

Alex placed her hand under Casey's chin and tilted her head up. "I know. It's different for me, too. I love you, Casey. I've never been happier than I am right now, because you're standing in front of me, and I'm holding you."

"Can you do me one favor?"

"Anything."

Casey smiled warmly. "Trust me."

"What?"

"Don't walk around on eggshells around me. You have proven time and time again that I can trust you. Hell, you've even given me a safe word. I have to say that pumpernickel is quite a creative one."

"Well, it is my favorite bread. And it was the first word that popped into my head. I don't really deserve much credit for-"

"Alex, you deserve all the credit in the world and don't you dare try to say otherwise. Don't you dare for one second sell yourself short in any of this. You are the most amazing, wonderful, beautiful woman I have ever known. I trust you, Alex," she said, cupping Alex's face and kissing her gently. "So trust me. Trust me to tell you when I need my space. Trust me to say pumpernickel if I need to, because I promise you I will. I will, because I know I can. So trust me to stop things if I need to." She nudged Alex and winked playfully. "And chase after me if I run away like that again. I promise to tell you if I need to be alone."

Alex leaned her forehead against Casey's and sighed. She wanted so badly to believe her wanted so badly to understand how right Casey was. Alex knew she would never hurt her, not intentionally anyway, but she was still scared. She was so afraid of doing something wrong without even realizing it.

"I love you, Alex," Casey whispered. She gently removed Alex's robe and smiled. "I ran out of the room naked. I'm still naked. Now, after everything that's happened tonight, I'm not up for having sex. And I'm okay telling you that because I know you won't pressure me to do anything. That's what makes you so amazing. But even though I'm not quite ready to have sex just yet, I am ready to get back into bed and hold you as close as I possibly can."

* * *

><p>Olivia slowly opened her eyes and looked around the room. <em>Yep, still in this damn hospital,<em> she thought, an annoyed smirk making its way onto her face. She was pretty sure this was the same day she'd woken up. It didn't feel like it had been that long since she'd looked into Alex's eyes as the doctor pulled the tube out of her throat. That had been one of the most unpleasant experiences she'd had in quite a while.

She smiled when she saw Elliot asleep on the chair next to her, his neck bent at a horribly awkward angle. _That can't be comfortable._ She gave his hand a firm squeeze and laughed when he didn't even notice. "Some husband you are. Your wife's in a hospital bed. She just woke up from a five-day-long coma without a spleen. And you don't even feel her squeezing your hand."

"I feel you," he said softly, sitting up and ignoring the pain in his neck so he could look at her. "Sorry I fell asleep on you."

"Well I've been told I was in a coma for five days. I know that if our roles were reversed and it was you in this hospital bed, I wouldn't have slept much in those five days. How are you feeling?"

He shook his head. She never ceased to amaze him. "You wake up from a coma seven hours ago and you're asking me how I feel?"

"I am."

"You're alive. I've never felt better."

She reached over with the hand that wasn't holding his and cupped his face, pulling him towards her. "How's your neck?"

"A little sore, but nothing I can't live with."

"Lie down with me."

"There's not a lot of room."

"There's enough." She slowly moved over to the edge of the bed, grateful the railing was there to keep her from falling out. It hurt like hell, but it would be worth it to have her husband next to her. "See? Plenty of room." She laughed at his hesitation. "Elliot, I'm fine. Get in here so I can hold you."

He reluctantly climbed under the blanket and as soon as her head was on his chest he knew he'd made the right decision. He wrapped his arms around her and held her as tightly as he could without hurting her. "I love you so much, Olivia. When I think about how I almost lost you-"

"Don't," she whispered, placing her hand on his chest, just next to her head. "I'm right here. I'm right here and I'm going to be okay. You up for dealing with a few more scars on this body of mine?"

He kissed her head. She'd had a smile on her face when she spoke, but he could hear the fear she was trying to hide. He hated that she was so damn good at it. But she was letting him in. Day by day, he was chipping away at her walls. And with each piece he broke away, he saw another part of her, and he loved her more for it. "You're beautiful, Olivia. And I don't care how many scars you have. You will always be beautiful. I love you. _Nothing_ is going to change that."

"You really need to stop doing that."

"Stop doing what?"

"Reading me so well."

"Not a chance. I love you too much."

She sighed and closed her eyes. His presence was so strong and she knew she wouldn't be in this bed for too much longer. A warm, fuzzy feeling came over her and she realized she couldn't open her eyes. "Did you push the button on the morphine drip?"

"You just moved across the bed and then managed to put your head on my chest. Of course I pushed it."

"Jerk."

"Get some sleep," he said, combing her hair with his fingers. "Just get as much sleep as you can so you can come home soon."

* * *

><p>Casey sat on the couch with Alex sitting between her legs and leaning against her. They'd just returned from the hospital and were relieved to see Olivia sitting up in bed and eating small bites of food. It was only eight days since her injuries nearly killed her, and to see her making this much progress this quickly was amazing.<p>

"She looked really good today," Alex said. She traced Casey's knees and snuggled a little closer to her. "I was so scared when we got those phone calls. I was so scared we were going to lose her."

"But we didn't. She's fine, and she's going to get better really soon."

Alex leaned her head back against Casey's shoulder and shuddered slightly when Casey kissed her. She did not want to cry. "Casey, she saved my life. I'm alive because of her."

"When you were shot?"

"Yeah. To be honest, I don't really remember much of that day. I just remember walking outside with Elliot and Liv. Then this loud bang and my shoulder felt like it was on fire. I remember lying on the ground and looking into Olivia's eyes. She was saying something, I'm sure, but I couldn't focus on it I was just...it hurt so much." She felt Casey wipe away a tear she hadn't even known she'd let fall. "Anyway, she kept me from bleeding out. She kept her hands on my shoulder and she saved my life."

Casey hadn't realized it had been that serious. Alex had almost died. Her fiance had almost died before they'd even gotten the chance to meet. "Well now I love her even more."

"I owe her my life." She leaned her head up and met Casey's lips. "You know, you brought me home. I owe you my life, too. I'm up to my eyeballs in debt right now."

"You don't owe us anything," Casey assured her. "Just be you. That's all we want. Just you."

Alex laughed. "Oh, you cannot be this perfect."

"I am pretty great, but I'm nowhere near perfect."

"Well you're damn close."

Casey was playing with Alex's hands when she stopped and let her head fall forward. "Shit."

"What's wrong?"

"I never called Grace to let her know Olivia's awake."

Alex furrowed her eyebrows and sat up. "You called her when Olivia was hurt?"

"She's my sister, Alex. My best friend nearly died. Of course I called her." It was then that she realized how much Alex didn't understand how loving families worked. She'd never had anyone she could call when things got rough, or when they got better. "Tell ya what. I'll give Grace a call now. I'm sure she'll be excited to talk to you, too."

Alex shrugged. "She's your sister, Casey. You don't have to include me. I know how close the two of you are."

Casey decided not to argue with her. Family issues were all Alex had ever known. _Well, you'll never know them from here on out,_ she thought as pulled out her phone and dialed Grace's number.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Grace."

"Casey!" Grace yelled. "How are you, sweetie?"

Casey smiled at Alex and held the phone away from her ear, winking at Alex's confused expression. "Olivia's awake."

Alex immediately understood why Casey was holding the phone out in front of them. Grace's scream was loud and ear-piercingly high. Alex couldn't help but laugh. "Is she always like this?" she whispered.

"All the time." Casey waited until Grace stopped screaming and brought the phone back up to her ear. "You finished yet?"

"I am. Casey, this is such great news. You have no idea how happy I am." Grace was practically jumping up and down. She knew how much Olivia had done for her sister, and this was the best news she could hear. "Is Alex there?"

"She is. Let me put you on speaker." She pulled the phone away and pressed the button. "Okay, Grace, you're on."

"Alex!"

Alex shook her head and laughed. "Hey, Grace."

"So Olivia's awake."

"Yeah. She's awake."

Grace laughed. Alex clearly wasn't used to this small talk between family members. "I'm very happy to hear that. Casey called me after it happened and I was so worried about both of you...and her of course. And yes, Alex, I _was_ worried about you."

"I'm okay, but thanks. That means a lot."

"Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me next time."

"What?"

Grace paused for a moment. Something like talking among family members shouldn't be so difficult. It made her realize just how lucky she was to have the family she had. "You're marrying my sister, which means you're family now. If something happens, you can call me, okay?"

Alex felt her eyes watering and smiled when Casey squeezed her hand. Grace had called her family. She had told her to call if anything happened. That meant so much to her. She sniffled and wiped away a tear.

"She'll call you," Casey said quickly. "Now, we're going to get naked and climb into the bath together and-"

"Good night, Casey!" Grace yelled. "And g'night, Alex!"

"Good night," they said in unison and Casey held up the phone. She wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her close. "She's right, you know. You're family. And I know you don't really know how to have a family that loves you, but you'll learn. We'll get you there."

A few tears fell down her cheeks as Alex's jaw began to tremble. She had no idea how to handle this, but she knew it was something she desperately needed. "So," she said softly. "About that bath?"

"I can't wait." Casey pushed Alex off of her and followed her upstairs to the bathroom. She turned on the water and simply held Alex until the bathtub was full. There were so many things she wanted to say, but none of them felt like enough. So as they climbed into the bath and she started rubbing Alex's back, she decided that silence was the best route to take. She eased Alex forward and placed gentle kisses across her back. "We're getting married," she said between kisses. "You're home, we're getting married, and I love you more than words can say."

Alex put her arms on her knees and rested her head on them. "I love you, too."

Casey wanted to change the subject to more happy things. Alex was okay with the family talk, but only for so long. Little bits at a time. Alex allowed her to share bits of herself at a time, and she was returning those bits with as much family talk as she could. "Olivia said she might be able to get out of bed tomorrow."

"She's one hell of a fighter."

"How much do you want to bet she's going to be demanding they let her out as soon as she's out of that bed?"

Alex laughed. "How much do you want to bet she's going to check herself out the second she's out of that bed?"

"Elliot's not going to let her leave until the doctors give her a clean bill of health."

"Casey, you do realize who we're talking about, right?"

"Good point."

Alex climbed out of the bathtub and pulled Casey with her. How had things come to this? She had a fiance, which meant a family. She had a future sister-in-law who was turning more and more into an adopted baby sister each time they spoke. She was actually part of a family now. When she climbed into bed, she pulled Casey against her and guided her head onto her chest. "I want to hold you tonight."

"I won't argue with that."

"Good, because I love holding you."

"I love you holding me."

Alex combed her fingers through Casey's hair. "This feels so right," she whispered. "Us together. It just feels so right."

"It really does. I'm the luckiest woman in the world." She reached up and put her hand over Alex's mouth to quiet the objection she was sure was going to come out. "I'm winning this argument. I am the luckiest woman in the world."


	11. Chapter 11

**Dick owns 'em.**

**Sorry for the delay in updating. Life and work have been kicking my ass.**

* * *

><p>Alex walked into the hospital room just in time to see Olivia push herself off the bed and, with the help of two nurses, take a couple of steps. "Lookin' good, Liv," she said, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame.<p>

"Oh, god," Olivia muttered. It took her far longer to turn around and face Alex than she wanted it to. Seeing the almost smug look on Alex's face only furthered her annoyance. She was so tired of being in the hospital, completely dependent on everybody else. He only goal right now was to get walking so she could get the hell out of this hospital. "What are you doing here, Alex?"

"A girl can't come visit her friend in the hospital? Visiting hours are only so long, and Elliot and Casey are in court for all of yours today. So I'm the only one left to come see you."

Olivia took a couple of steps, the two nurses supporting nearly all of her weight, before she had to take a break. She hated that this was so damn hard. "Any reason you're not in court with them?"

"I wanted to visit you," Alex said simply.

"You mean babysit me. I can't go a single second of visiting hours without one of you here. And Elliot very rarely leaves my side even when visiting ours are over."

Alex rolled her eyes. _You and your damn pride_. She shook her head and sighed. "Well I skipped breakfast to come here, so how about I go grab a bite to eat and come back in a bit? Maybe an hour or so?"

Olivia's focus immediately went to taking another step. She figured that if she just ignored Alex, the woman would leave quickly. It worked. Alex was gone. She hated that Alex had seen her struggle so much just to take a couple of small steps. Getting Alex out of the room was the only way she could guarantee she'd be able to focus solely on the task at hand without worrying about her best friend watching her. All Alex could do was distract her. The less distraction she had, the quicker she could recover; and the quicker she could recover, the quicker she could go home. By the time an hour had passed, she had only been able to walk from the bed, to the wall, and back again. And she was exhausted at the end of it.

When Alex walked back into the room, she found Olivia sleep in her bed. _Good,_ she thought as she sat down in the chair. Olivia moved slightly and Alex was pretty sure Olivia was faking sleep at this point, but she didn't say anything. Alex remembered how much her pride had been hurt after she was shot, and Olivia's injuries were far worse than hers had been. She pulled out her cell phone and sent Elliot a quick text telling him that he should get here after court for some good news.

"Who are you texting?"

Alex looked over and saw that Olivia's eyes were still closed. It made her laugh. The woman was so exhausted. "Elliot."

"What'd you tell him?"

"That I had good news."

"You do?"

"Yep. You got out of bed and took several steps today. That's definitely good news."

Olivia fought her exhaustion and forced her eyes open. "Alex, I walked from the bed, to the wall, and back to the bed. What is that, thirty feet total? How is that good news?"

Alex sighed. Typical Olivia, always being hard on herself. "Olivia, do you remember the day I was shot?"

Exhaustion was gone. Olivia moved the be into a seated position and looked at Alex. "Of course I do. That was one of the worst days of my life."

"Mine, too," Alex said with a small smile. "It hurt like a bitch. And as soon as the bullet was out of me and my shoulder was stitched up, they put me on plane after plane after plane. I should have been in the hospital for a few more days so they could actually take care of my damn shoulder."

"But it was either take care of your shoulder or save your life."

"I chose my life."

"Good girl." Olivia met Alex's eyes and all of her insecurities about being seen as weak were gone. Alex was here because she cared, because at the end of the day they were family. As much as she hated to admit it, she was starting to relish in the fact that she had so many people wanting to visit her all the time. Sure it was annoying at times, but she couldn't imagine having to do all of this on her own in a hospital on the other side of the country. "I'm sorry you had to do all of that alone."

Alex shook her head. This wasn't where she wanted the conversation to go. "I got through it."

"Because you're strong as hell."

"And so are you. You were stabbed, Olivia, with a hooked knife. Twice. You died twice. Do you understand that? You _died_ twice. They had to remove your spleen. You were in a coma for five days. I remember how hard it was for me to get up and move around after I was shot. My injuries were nowhere near as severe as yours were. I know it seems like you're moving slowly here, but trust me when I tell you how quickly it's actually going.

Olivia patted Alex's hand gratefully. "You never give up, do you?"

"Nope. Now get some sleep. Hopefully Elliot will be here when you wake up."

Olivia leaned the bed back down and closed her eyes. She was sleep almost instantly. Her last thoughts were of her friends, and of just how lucky she really was. It was hard sometimes, having everything she'd never had as a child. The thought of losing everything was terrifying. She sighed contentedly. She finally had a family.

* * *

><p>"How is she?" Casey asked at lunch that day. She only had an hour until she had to be back in the courtroom and she wanted to know how Alex's visit with Olivia had gone. Alex seemed incredibly happy right now, and she knew it must be good news.<p>

Alex took a bite of her soup and nodded. "She got out of bed."

"Nine days after dying twice and she's getting out of bed."

"And walking around."

"She is?"

Alex nodded. "Not much. Just to the door and back. That took a lot out of her. But, I remember how much getting shot hurt, and how long that pain lasted. I can tel she's hiding a lot of her pain."

"That's Olivia for you."

"Yeah. I think she's letting us in though. Nowhere near as much as Elliot, but that's understandable. He is her husband."

Casey finished her lunch and pulled out her wallet, hushing Alex before she could object. "I have to get back to court and I don't have time to argue with you over who's paying for lunch."

Alex rolled her eyes as she reached over and took Casey's hand, gently caressing her palm. She licked her lips and smiled when their eyes met. "Thanks for lunch."

Casey didn't want to let go of Alex's hand. She couldn't believe how much a simple thumb across her palm could turn her on. She wanted Alex right then and there, and that thought surprised her. _You really need to stop that,_ she thought quickly. "You're trying to make me late for court, aren't you?"

"Not at all," Alex said, continuing to trace her palm. "Feel free to leave at any time."

"I hate you right now."

"No you don't."

Casey managed to pull her hand away and put the money on the table. "You're right. I could never hate you."

Alex walked Casey outside and over to the courthouse. "Get in there and kick some ass. When you get home dinner will be ready. And after dinner, how do you feel about sitting in front of the fireplace and watching a movie?"

"That's the best incentive you could give me to get this bastard to break on the stand so I can come home as quickly as possible."

"Well I'm glad dinner and a movie are such great incentives for you."

"Mmmm," Casey hummed, wrapping her arms around Alex's waist and pulling her close. "You're all the incentive I could ever need. Though if you make your chicken and gravy again, that would just be the icing on the cake."

Alex laughed. "Well get on in there and come home after nailing this guy."

"I will. Love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

><p>Two weeks after the stabbing, Olivia was released from the hospital. She was still pretty sore and had a little difficulty moving around, but she was glad to be going home. The doctors told her they'd prefer if she stayed a few more days, but her incisions were healing nicely. Besides, she wasn't sure she could stand another hour in that hospital room, let alone another few days. She was getting addicted to daytime soap operas. That alone was proof of how badly she needed to get out.<p>

"Your chariot awaits, my dear."

Olivia looked up and saw Elliot in the doorway, an empty wheelchair in front of him. "Over my dead body."

"Hospital policy, Liv."

"Screw hospital policy."

Elliot laughed. "As NYPD detectives, we have to set a good example for everyone who sees us."

"No we don't." She took a few steps from the bed and had to rest her hands on the chair before continuing. She had to hold onto the door frame when she made it that far. "See? I can walk."

"All the way down the hallway? And standing in the elevator? And then out to the parking lot and to the car?"

"You can pull the car around."

Elliot sighed. He did not want to fight with her on the day she was going home. But there was no way in hell he was letting her leave the room unless she was in the wheelchair. "Olivia, please get in the chair. I promise to let you walk all over the apartment when we get home, but these doctors pulled a lot of strings to let me stay here all those nights with you. I'd really like to not piss them off. Especially since we'll be visiting many victims here in the future. Best to stay on their good side."

Olivia didn't say anything as she sat down in the wheelchair and allowed Elliot to push her all the way out to the car. The only thing keeping her going at this point was the fact that she was going home. Elliot was still by her side, and he didn't appear to have any desire to leave her, no matter how much she was pushing him away. Once she was in the car, she waited until Elliot was in the driver's seat and held his hand. She felt a single tear fall from her eye and looked away.

Elliot gave her hand a gentle squeeze and pulled out of the hospital parking lot. It was hard to see her fight so hard to make sure she appeared strong. "You want to do anything special tonight?"

"I just want to go home."

"Are you hungry?"

She shrugged. "A little."

"Take-out Chinese?"

"Sure."

"Okay." He drove the rest of the way just holding her hand and hoping that she'd open herself up once they got home. It wasn't the injury that was bothering her and he knew that. It was the fact that she'd been so dependent on everyone else for even the simplest of tasks. People had taken care of her, and that wasn't something she was used to. When they arrived at their apartment building, he grabbed her bags and walked up the stairs behind her, keeping one hand up just in case she fell but not touching her because he knew she was determined to do it on her own.

As soon as she was in the apartment, Olivia walked over to the couch and sat down. She closed her eyes and listened as Elliot ordered the Chinese and walked over to her. She felt him lift her legs and sit down underneath them. He slipped her shoes off and started massaging her feet. _How the hell are you so good at this?_ She sat up a bit and smiled. "Thanks, El."

"Food's on its way."

"I heard."

"Olivia, I love you."

_That came out of nowhere._ She smiled. "I love you, too."

He continued to massage her feet for several minutes. "After dinner, do you feel like taking a real shower? You didn't really get one in the hospital."

She hesitated. "Sure, I guess."

"Want me to get in with you?"

"If you want."

She was clearly hesitant to get in the shower with him. He set her feet down and leaned over so he could look her in the eyes. "I do want. You're home, Liv. You're home and you're alive and you're going to be back at work in about two weeks. We didn't lose anything."

"I know. I just hate that you have to deal with another scar."

Elliot scoffed. "You make it sound like you're not going to be just as beautiful as you were before. That's just not true, Liv. You're stunning, and no amount of scars on your body is going to change that. Understand?"

The buzzer rang before she could answer. "Dinner's here."

He patted her legs and stood up to get dinner. When he got back to the couch, she was sitting up and the coffee table was pulled closer to the couch. He wanted to argue with her about too much strenuous activity, but decided against it. They were not going to fight on the day she came home. "Sweet and sour chicken," he said, handing her the food.

"Thank you."

"And after we finish, we're getting in the shower so I can look at your amazingly beautiful body, then look into your incredible eyes and tell you just how beautiful you are. How does that sound?"

_Really fucking amazing._ She swallowed a bite of her chicken and nodded. "Sounds good."

"Good. I love you, Olivia. Forever, I promise."

"I know. I love you, too."


	12. Chapter 12

**Dick owns 'em.**

**Another delay. And it's shorter than other chapters. Explanation in the A/N at the end of the chapter because I don't want to have any spoilers before the chapter even starts.**

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><p>"Oh my god, Alex, you actually made your country fried chicken," Casey said, walking into the house and setting her briefcase on the table by the couch. She walked into the kitchen and dipped her pink into the gravy. She winked at Alex and licked it off her finger. "Alex, this is absolutely delicious."<p>

"Hands out of the gravy," Alex said, smacking Casey's hand before she could go for another bite. "Unless it's mine. Now, how was court?"

Casey shrugged. "It was court. Damn bastard didn't incriminate himself like I hoped he would, and Langan unfortunately argued his case pretty well. We'll see how it all plays out." She stole a quick bite of gravy while Alex was pulling the chicken out of the oven. She laughed at the stern expression on Alex's face. "Sorry. It's just so damn good and I'm starving."

Alex put the chicken on a serving dish and poured the gravy over it. "Well then let's get some food in you." She brought the chicken to the table while Casey grabbed the wine and two glasses. After they sat down, she reached her leg over and ran her foot up and down Casey's leg.

Casey closed her eyes and sighed happily. Alex's foot on her leg felt so good, and she wanted more of Alex touching her. She wanted to touch more of Alex. She wanted every inch of her to be touching this wonderful woman across from her. Then Alex's foot left her leg, and she frowned. "You stopped."

"Because you need to eat."

"But I like your foot on my leg."

"Then you need to eat your dinner. I'll play with your leg later." She took a sip of wine and suddenly felt Casey's foot on her leg. "None of that now," she joked, though she didn't pull her leg out of Casey's reach. "There will be plenty of time to do all the touching we want after we finish dinner."

Casey continued to caress Alex's leg while they ate. Alex didn't seem to mind, and Casey sure didn't have any desire to pull her foot away. This was the way life was supposed to be. Loving, kind, and safe. They could both just be themselves without any fear or uncertainty. No holding back. She finished her dinner and gathered up her dishes as well as her own. She hushed Alex before she could object. "You made an absolutely fantastic dinner. Now let me clean up the dishes while you go start a fire and pick out a movie."

"It's the end of June. Are you sure you want a fire?"

"We can try it. If it gets too hot, I'll turn it off. Or we could just take off our clothes."

Alex raised her eyebrows in surprise. These last few days, Casey had seemed much more comfortable and confident with more intimate conversations and touches. "I like the sound of that."

"Yeah?"

"You naked? Oh yeah."

Casey put a few dishes into the dishwasher and took off her shirt. Doing the dishes in just her pants and bra was a new experience for her, but she was having fun with it. As she looked out into the dining room and saw Alex's smile, she knew taking her shirt off had been a good decision. "You just going to stare at me or are you going to pick out a movie?"

"This is way better than any movie I've ever seen."

"Well then it's only fair for you to take your shirt off, too."

Alex shook her head. "I'm not wearing a bra."

"Your point?"

"Oh, now that wouldn't be fair."

"Fine," Casey said as she put the final dishes into the dishwasher. She pulled off her bra and tossed it onto one of the chairs in the dining room. "How's this?"

"Stunning," Alex whispered, standing up and taking off her shirt as she wrapped her arms around Casey. "Absolutely stunning."

Casey raised her eyebrows and met Alex's lips. "Likewise," shes aid once the kiss was over. She traced her top teeth with her tongue and hooked her fingers through Alex's belt loops. "Feel like losing these?"

"Maybe," Alex said, elongating the word as much as she could. Casey was being far more playful than she'd ever been before. Their eyes met and Alex couldn't see any of the reservations she typically saw in them during their more intimate moments. Casey wasn't as good at hiding them as she thought she was, and Alex picked up on those hesitant moments more than she let on. But now she saw a confidence in Casey that she hadn't seen before. "You going to lose yours?"

"I was thinking about it." Casey looked over to the couch and wiggled her eyebrows. "We're already half naked. Might as well go all the way. And your couch is damn good for snuggling."

"Well we've already proven that it's a great couch for clothed snuggling."

"Want to prove that it's a great couch for naked snuggling?"

"Do you?"

Casey tugged on Alex's belt loops. "More than you know."

"Well then let's go," Alex said, following Casey over to the couch and pulling her into her lap. Casey leaned back and pulled Alex's arms around herself. Alex sighed. She bit her lip and made a potentially dangerous move considering this was the first time they'd snuggled on the couch naked. She began tracing Casey's palms.

"You have no idea what that does to me."

"So it's okay?"

Casey could hear the relief in Alex's voice. The woman was absolutely terrified of hurting her. "I'm definitely okay with it. I love it." She closed her eyes and straightened out her legs, her feet playing with Alex's. "We need to do this more often."

"Naked couch snuggling?"

"Yeah. I'm really enjoying it."

"I'm glad."

"Are you enjoying it?"

Alex smirked. "You're naked and in my lap. How could I not enjoy it?"

"I'm enjoying your lap." Casey turned around so she was sitting up and facing Alex. She straddled Alex's lap and pushed the hair out of her face. She held her breath for a moment and met Alex's eyes before leaning forward and kissing her. After a minute, she brought Alex's hand up to her breast.

Her hand was suddenly on Casey's breast. One minute they were kissing, and the next, Casey was putting her hand on her breast. She looked at Casey questioningly, and Casey simply put her other hand on her breast.

"I'm ready now, Alex. I just...today was a good day. I did well in court. Dinner was amazing. Snuggling like this just feels so great." She gave Alex a slight wink and smiled. "And your hands are on my breasts."

"You put them there."

"Because I want them there...and other places."

Alex's eyebrows shot up. Casey's flirting was definitely turning her on. She certainly wanted to have sex with Casey, and she sensed that Casey was ready. She gently traced her thumbs across Casey's nipples and was relieved when Casey leaned into her touch. It was time.

Casey felt Alex's hands move down her body and she smiled. It was a little bit awkward moving around so she was lying rather than sitting on Alex. Once she managed to get situated, she felt Alex's hands on her hips. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Casey kissed Alex's neck and worked her hands up and down her girlfriend's body, wanting to get to know every inch of it. Her thumbs found Alex's hipbones and she moved them in and down a bit, then moved them back out to her hips. Teasing was so much fun.

_My god, you're good at this,_ Alex thought as she tried to mimic Casey's moves but at the same time put her own style into them. When she reached Casey's inner thighs, she looked up and met Casey's eyes, waiting for the okay. Casey nodded and Alex gently eased a finger into her, then another.

For a few seconds, Casey had to focus on Alex's face so she didn't have a flashback. But once she leaned into Alex's touch and started kissing her, she was able to enjoy the moment. She followed Alex's moves and smiled as they rocked back and forth together. It was beautiful, and when they orgasmed together, she was so happy to have been able to share this moment with Alex. It wasn't the most mind-blowing orgasm she'd ever experienced; and it was a bit awkward given their positions on the relatively small couch, but it was perfect because it was the first time she'd ever orgasmed with someone she truly loved.

Alex sighed. She'd never been happier. "That was great."

"Yeah."

"You, too?"

Casey nodded and laid down completely on top of Alex. "Yeah. We should do it again sometime."

"I agree."

"I'm so ready to just wrap my arms around you and go to sleep."

"Me, too. Not like this though."

Casey frowned. "Why not?"

"Because the couch is pretty small and you're lying on top of me. I love you, Case, but I can't fall asleep with you lying completely on top of me."

Casey rolled her eyes. "Push me up?"

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because you're pinning my arms to the couch."

"Fine," Casey said, pushing herself up. She got off the couch and helped Alex up. "To the bedroom?"

Alex took Casey's hand and followed her into the bedroom. They climbed into the bed and she felt Casey snuggle into her. Once Casey's head was on her chest, Alex combed her fingers through her hair. She felt the tears falling from Casey's eyes and onto her chest. "You okay, sweetie?"

Casey reached up and held Alex's hand. "Thank you," she whispered.

Alex gave Casey's hand a gentle squeeze and wrapped her arm around her. She kissed the top of Casey's head and snuggled into her. Everything was perfect. "Thank _you_, Casey, for trusting me with that."

"You're the most amazing woman in the world, Alex. I know you've questioned me in the past when I've said it, but I hope you can see it now. I really hope you can see what I see."

"I'm getting there, thanks to you. And I hope you are, too. Because I love you so much."

Casey traced Alex's stomach and smiled. "I love you, too. Now let's get some sleep."

"'Night, Case. Sleep well."

"You, too. Goodnight."

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><p><strong>AN: I didn't want to put this at the beginning because it would have spoiled the whole thing. This chapter was incredibly difficult for me to write because I don't really write sex scenes in general. And this one was a lot more complicated because of the issues surrounding it. I don't know if I'm completely happy with it at this point, but it's about the fifth or sixth rewrite of it, and I need to move on. So...tell me what you think?**


	13. Chapter 13

**Dick owns 'em.**

**I've been trying to upload this chapter for the last two days and it kept giving me an error message saying it timed out. Glad it uploaded this morning. :)  
><strong>

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><p>Alex and Casey walked away from the ice cream vendor, each carrying an ice cream cone, and across the street towards Central Park. It was a beautiful sunny day, with just a few clouds. Perfect day for a walk in the park.<p>

"You really love ice cream, don't you?" Alex joked as they started down a path.

"I do. It was something we always did together when I was younger. Big comfort for everyone. Probably the biggest family tradition we ever had.

Alex laughed. "Ice cream. Bigger than Thanksgiving and Christmas."

Casey playfully pushed her. "It got Grace and I talking." She took Alex's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, walking a little close to her as she did so. "We have a few other traditions, but none are as important as ice cream."

"Well I rather like this tradition."

"You saying you want in on it?"

"It's up to you. It's your family tradition after all."

Casey rolled her eyes. "You really are going to make me say it over and over again, aren't you?"

"It just hasn't really sunken in," Alex muttered under her breath.

"Well then I'll have to say it again," she said, giving Alex's hand a firm squeeze. "You're family. You've met my whole family and they all love you. Not as much as I do, of course," she said, smiling when she heard Alex laugh. "But they do love you. And you are part of any and all traditions we have."

Alex wasn't sure how to respond. Casey's words were beginning to sink in, but only a bit. She figured it would just take more time. With a small smile, she turned towards Casey and touched her ice cream to Casey's nose.

"What'd you do that for?" Casey asked, laughing as she wiped the ice cream off her nose. "Now my nose is cold." She stopped walking and stared at Alex until a confused expression came over her girlfriend's face. Then she retaliated. The force of her ice cream hitting Alex's nose knocked a scoop off her cone. "Look what you made me do! You just lost me half my ice cream."

"What I made you do?" Alex asked, wiping the ice cream off her own nose. "How did I make you do anything?"

"Well you started it," Casey said, laughing as she turned and took a couple of steps forward. The car next to them backfired. The sudden noise made her jump, and she was pretty sure she screamed, too. When she got her breathing under control a couple of seconds later, she laughed. "Damn, that scared the shit out of me." She realized Alex wasn't walking next to her anymore and turned around. Alex was crouched next to a bench, her eyes wide and her ice cream on the ground. "Alex, honey, you okay?" When Alex didn't respond, Casey walked over to her and took her hands.

Alex tried to speak but found that she couldn't. She could hear Casey's voice, but it sounded so far away. She heard a car speeding away, felt Olivia's hand on her shoulder, heard Olivia telling her to hold on. The pain was back, and it was excruciating. It was hard to breathe. Everything was spinning. She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to block out those images. She figured out she was having a flashback, but that didn't push the images away quickly enough. The loud bang, Olivia's voice, her life suddenly being ripped away from her. She kept trying to push them all out of her head.

"Alex?" Casey said hurriedly. She shook her gently but got no response. "Damn it, Alex," she muttered. "Focus on my voice. What you heard..." she trailed off. _What you heard sounded like a gunshot._ She took a deep breath. "It was just a car backfiring, that's all. We're in Central Park. Just the two of us. It's okay, I promise." It took several minutes, but it seemed like her words were working.

It was Casey's voice that finally pulled her out of her flashback. She was still breathing fairly heavily and her heart was racing, but she managed to replace her nightmare images with Casey's beautiful face. She nodded slightly and gave Casey's hands a firm squeeze. "Thanks."

Casey nodded and wrapped an arm around her. They stood up and sat down on the bench. "You want to continue walking here or do you want to go home?"

She was exhausted. As much as she wanted to take this walk through Central Park, she didn't think she was up for it. "If it's okay, I think I'd just like to go home."

"Of course it's okay." Casey pulled her off the bench and they started walking in the opposite direction they'd originally been heading. "We're going to pass the ice cream vendor again. You want another one? It's on me."

Alex laughed. "No. I'm good, thanks."

"Okay, home it is." She linked her arm in with Alex's and they walked along slowly. Alex was leaning on her a little bit, but Casey didn't say anything. There were plenty of times when she had leaned on Alex after a nightmare or flashback. More than she could count, really. Now it was her turn to return the favor. She nudged Alex gently and smiled. She just hoped she could be as good to Alex as Alex was to her.

Alex didn't say anything until they arrived home. She was far too shaken up to even try to form a coherent thought. The familiar surroundings of the town home helped settle her nerves a bit though. She was grateful for that. She sat down on the couch and wrapped her arms around herself as Casey made tea. It had been a while since she'd had a flashback, and this one had been a particularly bad one. She supposed it was because it had come on so suddenly, but then again, the vast majority of them always did. Since she had gone so long without one, she had determined that they were gone for good. _Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ she thought, staring out the window.

"Here," Casey said, sitting the cup of tea on the coffee table in front of Alex. When Alex didn't take it right away, Casey was afraid she was having another flashback. But then she picked up the cup, and Casey smiled, relieved.

"Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Casey said, putting a hesitant hand on Alex's back. When Alex leaned into the touch, Casey pulled her into a hug. Her own flashbacks were hell, and she didn't figure Alex's could be anything less. She remembered how shaky she always felt afterward. Alex clearly felt the same. "Anything I can do?"

Alex shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Feel like taking a bath?"

A small smile crept onto her face. Sitting in a warm bath, with Casey's arms wrapped around her, sounded like an absolutely wonderful idea. "Yeah. That actually sounds really nice."

"Well then," Casey said. She stood up and offered her hand to Alex. "Let's go take a bath." She led Alex into the bathroom and turned on the water. As they got undressed, Casey tried to think of something to do or say. She thought back to all the times Alex had taken care of her. Alex had always seemed to know just what to do. She wished she had that knowledge.

Alex felt Casey's hands on her back as soon as they were in the tub. It was exactly what she needed. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"How do you always know exactly what I need?"

Casey laughed. Alex couldn't have been any further from the truth. She gave Alex's shoulders a gentle squeeze. "You really have no idea, do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Alex, I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm flying blind here and the only thing I know to do is to try to do everything you've always done for me."

Now it was Alex's turn to laugh. "You talk as though you think I know what I'm doing."

"You don't?"

"Nope."

"Then how do you always manage to make me feel better?"

Alex leaned back and held Casey's hands when Casey wrapped her arms around her. "Honestly, I don't know. The, um, that first time you had a nightmare...when we went to visit your family...I had no idea what to do. I panicked and ran to your sister."

"Which was exactly the right thing to do."

Casey was probably right. Even if she'd had no clue what to do, she'd managed to do the one thing Casey needed at the time: get Grace. "I guess Grace knew better than I did what to do."

"She did, at that point."

"At that point?"

"You'd never seen me have a nightmare or flashback before. Had you ever seen anyone have one before?"

Alex licked her lips. "No."

Casey smiled. "Then how could you possibly have known what to do?" She used her toes to pull the plug out of the drain. She gently pushed Alex off of her so she could stand up. She paused for a moment and then wrapped an arm around Alex. "You did exactly what I needed you to do. I guess it's kind of a trial and error thing."

"Neither one of us knows what we're doing, we just have to take it one step at a time and hope for the best?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

Alex nodded and followed Casey into the bedroom. "That was the worst day of my life."

"I know."

She shook her head. "I was finally happy, you know? I had a good job. I had friends. I was figuring out who I was. My mother was having less of an effect on me and I was able to stand up for myself against her." She laid down in the bed and pulled Casey close. "I lost everything that day, Casey. My whole life just...it ended."

Casey gave her a gentle squeeze. "You got it back."

"It took three years. Three years that I'm never going to get back." She shook her head. "I'm sorry. I just-"

"Don't apologize. You always tell me that, right? So now I'm telling you. You lost three years, Alex. You were shot, and you had to live a fake life for those three years." She kissed her forehead. "So please, honey. Please don't apologize."

"You're too good to me."

"Not nearly as good as you are to me."

"Bullshit."

Casey laughed. "We're good to each other."

"So this trial and error, one step at a time thing. I'm up for it if you are."

"Definitely."

"Easy decision?"

Casey leaned in and kissed her. "The easiest."


	14. Chapter 14

**Dick owns 'em.**

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><p>"Are you anxious about tomorrow?" Elliot asked as they walked out of the grocery store. Casey and Alex were coming over for dinner and they had wanted to pick up a few things.<p>

Olivia laughed. "I'm going back to work, not negotiating a peace treaty." She rolled her eyes playfully and began unloading the groceries. Elliot went to stop her, but she pushed him away. "I'm fine." Walking around the store for forty-five minutes had been tiring, but she made it. There was very little pain, which made her happy. It meant she was healing.

"You realize the precinct is frequently a war zone. Peace treaty negotiation isn't too far off. Especially when Munch is involved. And you're riding the desk, which means-"

"Which means I'll be stuck in there with chaos all around me. I can handle it."

"Of course you can."

"Was that sarcasm?"

He shook his head. "Not at all. Just reminding you of what you're going to walk into tomorrow."

"I've been gone a couple of weeks, Elliot, not years. I remember what it's like."

When they got home, Olivia immediately put all of the ingredients for chili into the crock pot while Elliot started cleaning the living room. The apartment wasn't at all messy, but Olivia was making an amazing dinner. He wanted to at least contribute something to this evening.

"Looking good," Olivia said, walking up behind him and wrapping her arm around him. "But you dusted the entertainment center two days ago. Are you just trying to appear busy?"

"Busted."

"The apartment's clean, El."

He sat down on the couch and pulled her into his lap. Resting his feet on the coffee table, he leaned back and waited until her head was resting on his chest. "I needed to do something."

"I could use a back massage." She laughed with him and rested her feet on his shins. "Seriously though. I chopped and diced a few things and then threw them into the crock pot. Then I turned it on and that's it. Now we wait four hours."

He rubbed his feet against hers and patted her thigh. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good, actually."

"No pain?"

She shrugged. "Just a little. But it's okay."

"You sure?"

"I am."

"Promise to tell me if you're not?"

"I promise."

He stood up and smiled. "They're not going to be here for about five hours. I can think of quite a few ways to spend those five hours. That is...if you're up for it."

Olivia stood up quickly. "I'm definitely up for it."

"Not too much pain?"

"Not at all." She followed him into the bedroom and closed the door behind her.

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><p>Casey and Alex arrived at the apartment with empty stomachs and a large bottle of wine. "We starved ourselves today because Elliot told us you were making your famous chili," Alex said when Olivia opened the door. She handed her the wine bottle and hugged her. "It's good to see you, Liv."<p>

"And it's good to see the two of you," Olivia said, returning the hug.

Casey patted Olivia's back and went out to the kitchen to see if she could help Elliot with anything. "How's she doing?" she asked quietly.

"Pretty well, actually."

"She looks great."

Elliot looked out to the living room and smiled when he saw her sitting on the sofa with Alex. "She always looks great."

Casey rolled her eyes. Elliot and Olivia had been married for almost three years. It seemed as though the honeymoon phase was still in full swing; and it didn't look like it was going away any time soon. She hoped it would be the same way for her and Alex. "She does always look good, doesn't she?"

Elliot couldn't keep the smile off his face. He couldn't believe how lucky he was. True, his first marriage had failed, but he and Kathy had been able to remain friends. Olivia wanted it that way, too. She and Kathy weren't terribly close, but they got along well and respected each other. There was no animosity between them. And his kids had handled the divorce remarkably well. Sure, they had been upset at first. They really weren't too happy when he'd started dating Olivia, nor were they happy when Kathy had begun dating Robert, the man she later married. But once they realized that Olivia and Robert weren't trying to take anyone's place, they opened up and welcomed them into the family. _Yes,_ he thought as he carried the dishes out into the dining room. _I really am incredibly lucky._

Everyone filled their bowls in the kitchen and then sat down at the dining room table. They passed the cheese and crackers around, opened the bottle of wine, and started talking. Work was the first topic of discussion. Olivia assured everyone that she felt well enough to return to work tomorrow and said that they all needed to stop worrying about her so much.

Casey put her spoon down. "You do realize what you're saying, right? Like hell we worry too much."

"You guys all hover."

"Do you remember the night I was attacked in my office?"

Olivia blinked. "I was the one that found you unconscious on your office floor," she said firmly. _It was like Alex all over again._ "Of course I remember that night."

"You seem to have forgotten how much you hovered."

"And you seem to have forgotten how seriously you were injured."

Casey laughed. "I'm not the one who died twice and had my spleen removed."

"Broken ribs, a bruised back, and a serious concussion are nothing to laugh about."

"I got shot," Alex said quickly. "Since we're sharing war stories, I figured I'd share mine. I even kind of died...and stayed dead for three years. Then my girlfriend here brought me back to life."

"I got my head bashed in and was blind for a while," Elliot said. He laughed as he looked at everyone around the table. "Our lives are kind of crazy."

"Kind of?" Alex asked, sipping her wine.

"Okay, they're really crazy."

"Well that craziness got us to where we are today, so I think it's worth it."

Olivia lifted up her wine glass. "I'll drink to that. Cheers."

Everyone lifted their glasses and clinked them together. "Cheers."

"Well I, uh, I've been doing some thinking lately," Alex said when she put her wine glass down. "I actually think I might want to go back to school."

"Oh yeah? For what?" Casey asked. She noticed that Alex suddenly seemed nervous, so she took her hand and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Education."

Casey frowned. "Okay...in what?"

"No. I mean I want to teach."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I spent six months in Pennsylvania, teaching law to undergrads. Not to mention teaching history in Montana. But those were fake degrees used to get me the jobs. I liked teaching college though."

Casey squeezed her hand. "And you want to do it again."

"Yeah. I was actually pretty good at it, too. And I liked that I just...I didn't have all the responsibilities I did when I was prosecuting. I love the law, and I could get my fix without having to worry about creating another Sam Cavanaugh."

"Alex, you didn't-"

"Olivia, don't," Alex said firmly. "The guilt is never going to go away completely, so don't even try. I know I wasn't entirely responsible for what happened, but I certainly had a part in it. With teaching though, I get my law fix without having to worry about all of those responsibilities."

Olivia nodded. "Okay. And you're right about the teaching thing. No responsibilities there. Well, none except teaching the future Alex Cabots and Casey Novaks of the future."

"And Trevor Langans," Casey added.

"Oh, don't remind me. He's the last thing I miss about my time in the courtroom."

"I think it sounds like a great idea," Casey told her. She clinked her wine glass against Alex's. "I think you'll make an amazing teacher."

"I was pretty good when I was in the program," she said, smiling slightly. "I'm sure I'll be able to do it again."

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><p>"The program wasn't all bad," Alex said in the bathtub that night. "I made friends. I occasionally had a job I actually enjoyed. Not teaching history, so much, but at college. I really got a lot out of it. The kids drove me crazy sometimes, but I was teaching pre-law students. They were all at least a little interested in what I was saying."<p>

"Whereas the fourteen-year-old freshmen history students didn't give a damn."

"Exactly."

Casey dipped the loofah into the water and squeezed it over Alex's chest. She was ecstatic that Alex had finally figured out what she wanted to do. It hadn't been easy, and it had taken a while, but she knew Alex struggled when it came to figuring out what she wanted to do. "Do you know how long it'll take?"

Alex shook her head. "I haven't done that much research yet. It's funny that I have all this experience but no certification or degree needed to actually get that experience."

"You have a Masters."

"Not in teaching. And I don't think I even need to get a Masters to teach undergrads. I've got my law degree. I just want to get a teaching certification. I remember having teachers in college who didn't have PhDs or anything in teaching. They had them in the fields they were teaching, but not in teaching itself."

"So just a certification?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Well with all of your education and the fact that you'll be able to go full time, I'm sure you'll get it in no time. Besides, you might be able to pull some strings and use your experience."

"You sound excited."

Casey smiled. "You're figuring out what you love and what you want to do with your life. How could I not be excited?"

"You do realize I'll be teaching somewhere small, right? At least at first. No ivy league for me."

"Hey, as long as you're happy, I'm happy." She massaged Alex's shoulders for a few minutes and kissed the back of her neck. After a few more minutes, she rested her chin on Alex's shoulder. "You know I'm happy for you, right?"

"Yeah, I know. Once I get a job, I'll have a regular schedule. I may even be able to have dinner on the table by five."

Casey laughed. "Dinner on the table when I get home? I'm really starting to like this idea."

"Assuming I don't get stuck with night classes. I will be a new teacher after all."

"Well then I'll have dinner waiting for you."

Alex sighed. "Our lives have been pretty crazy. I spent three years constantly looking over my shoulder, convinced someone behind me was going to shoot me." She pulled her legs up to her chest and turned around so she could see Casey. "And then, thanks to you, Olivia showed up at my door. My nightmare was over."

"I'm rather happy I made those connections."

"Yeah?"

"You know I am."

"I am, too."

Casey leaned forward and kissed her. "You are so incredible. After everything you've been through, to see where you are today...it's amazing." She rested her forehead against Alex's and smiled. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. And you know that I am where I am because of you." She stood up and pulled Casey with her. She drained the bathtub and grabbed two towels. "I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for you."

"True," Casey said, pretending to consider Alex's words as they climbed into bed and wrapped their arms around each other. "You'd still be Meredith Axley."

Alex laughed. "That's not exactly what I meant."

"I know. And you know you've done all of that and more for me."

Several minutes passed before Alex spoke again. She spent that time combing her fingers through Casey's hair and enjoying the feeling of Casey's foot moving up and down her legs. "I'm actually really excited about teaching."

"Yeah? You seem really excited. I can hear it in your voice and I saw it in your eyes when you were talking about it at dinner. I'm excited for you."

"I appreciate that."

"Appreciate it?" Casey asked. She was about to say something else when the thought hit her. _This is clearly what you want to do, and you were never allowed to want to do anything when you were younger, much less actually do it._ She snuggled a little closer to her. "I'm going to say something incredibly cheesy. Is that okay?"

Alex laughed. "Go for it."

"Follow your dreams."

"What?"

"Whatever it is you want to do, Alex, do it. I don't care what it is. If you want to do it, do it. You have my full support."

Alex closed her eyes. "You're right. That was cheesy."

"You had fair warning."

"About what? That it was going to be cheesy or what you were actually going to say?"

"Both."

"Well you have mine, too."

Casey cocked her head. "Your what?"

"My full support. In anything and everything you do."

"Now look who's being cheesy."

"It was my turn."


End file.
